The PasDoctor Geronimo Manifesto: A Presidential Run and a Birthday "Tepee/Tent-Residence" Orgy, Starring Cameron Diaz

Jessica Cooley / Lufkin Daily News

PasDoctor Geronimo has quite the bash planned tonight.

This time around he's not in trouble with the law. Instead, the Lufkin man, whose "white man's name" is Douglas Paul McCoy, has filed a ten-page "public notice" explaining his recent actions, calling for permission to smoke all the weed he wants, seeking redress for numerous grievances, announcing a run for the United States presidency, and rattling off a wished-for guest-list for a birthday orgy to take place tonight in his purpose-built "tepee/tent-residence."

"Public servants are hereby notified of an anticipated birthday party to occure at my tepee/tent-residence on February 2, 2012, through February 3," Geronimo thunders. He adds that he hopes to obtain the use of a large tepee, because he has a good-sized guest list.

And he's horny. Really horny.

"It is important to note," he continues, "I have not been intimate with a female companion since February 2, 2010, nor have I played with myself during that time."

Therefore, he desires the company of "at least twelve (12) intelligent and beautiful women for this overnight birthday extravaganza." He says that these women should also "feel free to invite a friend or two" to the tepee/tent-residence.

(There's a weird Big Lebowski-type ring to that phrase...Reminds us of the cop who was so protective of his "beach community.")

On to the lucky ladies on his list....

Mature, intelligent, beautiful Indians ladies

Samantha, a beautiful blond who works for Pilgrims Pride. Shops as I would, enter a store, obtain what is needed, and then leave. I meant her while picking up dead chickens

The curly/kinky haired lady who works at the Regions Bank located near the Lufkin Home Depot. A lady that reflects a busty Marilyn Monroe body.

A 28 year old Arkansas resident whom I have never met or seen. The Daughter of Pumpkin who resides adjacent to a lake near Tehlequal OK. Pumpkin, the other half of Steve, stated her daughter is like her. Hmm, mom is pretty and articulate, thus daughter is likewise

Mandy, a beauty queen from Kilgore Texas who was once married to a fella named Lonnie Lumpkin. Several year ago, I stated to Mandy "in the future, we will have a good time together." That time has arrived.

A gorgeous lady lacking a name. Employed by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice at the Polunski Unit in Livingston Texas. Divorced approximately 1 1/2 years ago. A professional cage fighter, a fantasy I'm sure.

A blond with wavy hair and a brunet side kick. Both seen standing side by side at the Academy Store in Lufkin approximately a year ago. The blond noticed my attention directed towards her natural beauty and stated to her female companion, "He looked at me." What a beautiful site her and her friend bestowed upon me.

A lady I saw on the Kimmel show while residing in the Angelina County Jail. I believe she resides somewhere in California. Her beautiful muscular arms created an unusual desire to wrestle with her whereas he huge smile blew me away. A jail roommate informed me she is an actress known as Cameron Diaz.

A hot biker babe or two, or three, or four, etc. Having a motorcycle that accomadates two riders will provide a place to sit as well as hips to grasp.

Elsewhere in the notice, he appeals for the Cherokee Nation and other native tribes to intercede on his behalf and that of his daughter against the Angelina County Justice system, which he claims is "wrought with corruption, ineptness and infestation of evil."

He also announces his presidential bid and asks for the protection of America's native peoples. He says that once he's in office, they can bill their expenses to "the Federal public servant sector."

He wants to be president for two reasons: One, to right the wrongs committed by America's failed white European system of government. Number two, presidents are allowed to cuss. "Potential employment permitting my use of damning English vocabulary is now limited to senior positions within public service sectors, such as President of the United States," he writes. "This position will permit involuntary statements such as 'Go fuck yourself' without fear of being arrested by abusive and/or inept subordinate public servants."

He's got a point there. It worked for both Bush and even vice-president Cheney.

And there's lots more, which we will bring you later this week or early next.

We'll also let you know how the party goes down later this week on Hair Balls. Angelina County law enforcement is said to be gearing up, because, as Geronimo writes, "that time has arrived."

(Hat-tip to Jessica Cooley, Lufkin Daily News.)