Dwayne Porter: Tries Walking Out of Corpus H-E-B in Crustacean-Stuffed Pants

Categories: Crime

lobsterman.JPG
Nueces County Jail
Dwayne Porter: Pinched walking out of H-E-B.
You have to admire the more stylish of our low-end thieves. Late last year we brought you the story of a guy who went on a penniless high-end dining spree in and around downtown, culminating in a steak dinner he refused to pay for at McCormick & Schmick's. He was busted for those shenanigans three times in four weeks.

And now there's Corpus Christi's Dwayne Porter. Police there say that employees of an H-E-B watched as the 53-year-old attempted to leave the store without paying for the lobster tail that was, rather unfortunately for Porter's dinner plans, protruding from his pants.

And that was not all he had down there, lurking in the depths of his britches.

Once police arrived, a seafood counter worker told police that he had prepared Porter a bag of fresh shrimp, and, on searching, cops found those little boogers in Porter's drawers, too. (Fortunately, there were no crabs.)

Porter subsequently told police he was hungry and couldn't afford the expensive delicacies he yearned for, so he tried to swipe them. Total value of this utterly shellfish thief's catch of the day that got away: $57.91.

Since the lobster tail likely cost $15 or less, that must have been a big ol' bag of shrimp. Maybe he had a date.

H-E-B employees "disposed of" the funky seafood.


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3 comments
Nightmare on Bagby
Nightmare on Bagby

According to a guy I know who has done a little time in Sandland, it takes about 5 minutes to heat up a MRE pouch if you wire it to the manifold of a HUMVEE. How long does it take to cook a lobster at 98.6?

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