10 Hilarious Old Commercials for Terrible Wines, Mostly Aimed at Men Wanting Sex with Drunk Women

Categories: Whatever

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In vino veritas
By Italian or French standards, Americans still have a lot to learn about wine. But my oh my, how far we've come in the past 30 years. It's hard to fathom how little we must have known about the fruits of the vine if the following ten shockingly terrible ads for abysmally awful wines are any indication...

10. Richard's Wild Irish Rose, Early 1960s.
Not sure what they were thinking here...Reminds me more of a scene from the final reel of The Lost Weekend than anything suggesting "a happy wine for happy people." And how much older is that bald dude than his gorgeous young paramour? How much of this plonk did he have to ply her with to get her on that couch?

9. Mateus Rose, 1971.
The narrator of this ad starts off all rico suave, waffling on about native cheeses and medieval cobblestones, and then he just goes in for the kill with that "Bring it on home" line. I guess the ad agency wanted to be a tad more subtle than just having him say "Pour this down her neck and throw her down and fuck her" and a shade less subtle than "Seal the deal."

8. Martini and Rossi, 1974
You'll never have trouble "getting to yes" again if you ladle out enough of this two-dollar ambrosia.

7. Almaden Golden Chablis, 1984
Featuring one of the lamest pick-up lines ever, albeit one delivered with extreme confidence.


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Brittanie Shey
Brittanie Shey

"I like your name. Chablis. It's very pretty.""Thaaaannks, honey. I got it off a wine bottle."

Wyatt
Wyatt

"Mmmmaahaaaa...thefrenchchampagne"

Like the best French champagne (because there are other kinds of champagne), that commercial goes down smooth, with a very sad finish

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