Anal Exceus, Shi'tia Alford: More of the Best Names We've Found In Harris County Records

Categories: Crime, Whatever

Shi'tia Alford.jpg
Yes, this is some Houstonian's real name
Every now and then, Hair Balls reports the oddest, funniest, and most puzzling names we come across in Harris County official records -- usually but not always the crime reports.

As always, a couple of disclaimers are in order. Not all, indeed not necessarily any, of these people were convicted of a crime. Additionally, the crimes they are accused of -- those that have been accused, that is -- are in some cases as minor as driving on a suspended license or possession of small amounts of pot.

And so, without further ado:

Patronne Dextrexxe Brooks: Puts us in mind of both tequila and porn.

Pearlie Mae Cobbins: Now this is just a classic -- if I still had my 1976 Caddy Coupe de Ville, this would be her name.

Anal Exceus: Oy.

Tito Kunta Hunt: Someone like both Roots and Yugoslavian strongmen, but the resulting name comes across as naughty.

Whithworth Treasure: Sounds like the leading man in a romance novel written by a sixth grader.

Willie Nelson de Ochoa: Only in Texas.

Shi'tia Alford: Might as well have alerted CPS the day they put this on the birth certificate. That name is child abuse, pure and simple.

Heavenleigh Flores: Not super classy, but I kind of like it.

Dacodunn Ahito Dante Antoine: Wow. Read it out loud. It sounds like some awesome foreign language. Fun name.

Stylz Montavian Murry: I got stylz, baby, Montavian stylzzzzzz

Aristotle Onassis Harris: Who knew some Houston mom would find a Greek shipping magnate so inspiring?

Chastity Spotts: I learned about those in health class.

Charmin Crew: No squares in stall two. Send in the Charmin Crew.

Petrono Tum Pu: Sounds like stomach medicine you'd find in Indonesia.

Joey Perfecto: Sounds like someone Eugene Levy would have played on SCTV.

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40 comments
O Whitehall1965
O Whitehall1965

OMG...I just read this article while at lunch.  The people at ZOE Kitchen on San Felipe must've thought I was on drugs or something....I still can't stop laughing.  Poor Shi'tia Alford, was her mother on crack when she named her??

HC
HC

My mom worked for the food stamp office and got all sorts of odd names.  The one that sticks out the most was an applicant named Female, rhymes with tamale.  Not surprisingly, she was in and out of jail.

Kelly Schlenker
Kelly Schlenker

How is number 3 pronounced? Er, second thought, maybe I don't want to know.

Bruce Edmund Carroll
Bruce Edmund Carroll

how about Aryan Nation? How about Adolf Hitler Campbell? both of those names is child abuse pure and simple.

a teacher
a teacher

Real kids' names at a public school (in another state):

Pharoah Messiah Precious China Prodije ( a special ed student)Latrinatwins named Tarzan and Jives

drain_bamage
drain_bamage

Once had a business connection named Richard Wadsack. Super-nice fellow, so I never had the heart to ask him what his friends called him.

Laura_RT
Laura_RT

My guy was working as an Air force recruiter when he came across this name: Shithead Williams (He avoided calling them until he had gotten ahold of a classmate and found out it was pronounced Shi-theed)

Josh
Josh

Call it as you see it.... I would have messed that name up =)

Laura_RT
Laura_RT

Same here, I thought it was genius that he though to wait and ask another student at the school...

A.
A.

Heavenleigh, from the VC Andrews book series.

GEST123
GEST123

There's a guy named Delmonte Zucchini Jones in Evansville IN. In Kerrville TX there's a man named Baby Ray March.  Where I live now there's a family with a love of unusual names:  Pa'Jama, World, Praise, Taran'tula, and (my personal favorite) Lovechild Welcome. 

Hperry79
Hperry79

Here's one from where I live...Harry Bonar, oh and Crystal Shanda Leer...lol

gewitter
gewitter

At my local jail, we had a lady named Lasagna Davis serving weekends for the longest time. We thought it was a mistake at first. It wasn't.

Jon Barnes
Jon Barnes

When I worked as a phone tech for a computer company, I once had someone from KY call in named Vynal Doody.

Vida808
Vida808

10 minutes later and I still can't stop laughing! I actually have a long list of really Bad Names that I keep. Let me tell ya, the collection gets bigger everyday.  I just struck gold with this article!

Sandy
Sandy

I knew a guy with the last name of Dick, who dated a girl named Anita. I always laugh when I think about her name had they married.

My2Cents
My2Cents

Thank you, needed a little levity

Ellie K
Ellie K

You should be awarded some sort of tag or designation by Disqus comment system. Anti-troll or maybe Joy of the world, or the Interwebz: Your aggregate comments received over 23,000 up votes! Amazing... you've added a lot of value!

Or you hacked this comment system. In either case, it is an achievement. I haven't ever seen anyone with 4 digits of comments or up votes. You have 5 digits in both fields.

My2Cents
My2Cents

LMAO... sorry I'm prone to running my mouth... I do try not to offend too many if I can help it  and the only hacking I do is in the mornings...(chronic smoker) 

anas
anas

In Wisconsin there is Anas Jaber,  look it up.  Google CCAP

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