Ten Texas Towns That Could Use a Name Change

By Craig Malisow Wed., Nov. 16 2011 at 11:00 AM

No, this is not on our list.

For Thanksgiving, the stunt-publicity experts at PETA are asking the tiny Texas town of Turkey to change its name to Tofurky. In exchange for the one-day name change, PETA promised to reward the town's residents with holiday meals of "Tofurky with mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes (made with vegan margarine), and vegan apple pie topped with vanilla dairy-free ice cream" -- just like the Pilgrims ate!

While we wait with bated breath to see if Turkey will indeed change its name, we're thinking of other Texas towns that might want to change their names -- not for vegan purposes, but just because their names are kinda, well, silly. Here are the towns we have so far...

Uncertain
This small hamlet's moniker probably leads to much confusion.

"So where are you from?"
"Uncertain."
"What? How can you not know where you're from?"
"I said it's Uncertain!"
"Well, if you're so confused, can't you ask your mom or something?"
I think you can see where we're going with this...

Van

Naming a town after the preferred mode of transportation for child molesters worldwide? No thank you. How about something more respectable, like El Camino?

Kountze
Too much room for gaffes in pronunciation.

Muenster
Acceptable alternatives include Swiss, colby, pepperjack and gouda.

Brownwood
Heh....Brownwood

Staples
Sister city to Office Depot, Japan

Novice
Couldn't they have at least gone with Intermediate?

Iraan
Aawkward.

Fate
To us, this just seems spooky. It might as well be called Twilight Zone, Texas, or something. A town where you go to die.

Canadian
By what standards is this name acceptable?

Let us hear your suggestions!

Tags:

PETA, Texas towns, Turkey

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Nunya

Deadwood, Texas

Melinda Dodd

Instead of looking at these names. . . why not actually change these names?

Dead Negro Slough is a inlet in the region of MississippiDead Negro Draw Valley in Lynn County, TX Slave Canal, Jefferson County, FL

Hoastros65

I personally like Uhland, TX. I can just imagine how the first settlers decided on the name:

Guy 1: "Wow, this is a great place to settle, what should we call it?"

Guy 2: "uhhhhhhhh, land?"

mollusk

Seein's how Turkey is up where West Texas blends into the Panhandle, about halfway between Wichita Falls and Amarillo, I don't think there's going to be much traction on the name change.

Omnivore

They're just trying to get their name in the paper to solicit more donations from gullible supporters.

They need to have their non-profit tax exemption yanked. Then we'd see how many stupid publicity stunts the media whores would put out.

Wildcatlover44

F*** PETA I'm from Texas. They seriously need to read the Bible. I was gonna defend Brownwood but I guess If your mind is in the gutter it could be bad

Robin

When I was a kid, I always giggled when we passed through Old Dime Box, TX on Hwy 21.

Why do all the truckers like to overnight in Edna? Because they like to sleep between Inez & Louise.

squinney

I live in Markham and I remember hearing that joke from my Grandfather when I was a kid. All three of the towns are named after the daughters of Count Joseph Telfener - an Italian entrepreneur who was building a railroad from Rosenberg to Victoria, TX.

Mikecope

I use to confuse Ding Dong, TX with Whiteface, TX until I remembered that Ding Dong hides its white inside.

Fat Bass Turd

Population 150 ... and Bigfoot is just a tall, dark & hairy woman from Uncertain, Texas. Hey, I seen her out at The Uncertain Tavern, and then again meanderin' through the parkin' lot at The Lighthouse ...

Seriously, Uncertain got its name durin' the Civil War. On a stretch of the Big Cypress River (still pronounced "reever") the supply barges' cargo destinations were marked by a specific card from a standard deck of playin' cards. If a card fell off of a crate or barrell, it was marked UNCERTAIN, and deposited at the last port or stop before entering Louisiana waters. When someone was missin' somethin' from a supply list or shipment, they would head to "Uncertain" to claim their goods.

Larry Fitzhue

Latexo and Austonio are some odd balls too. The first makes me think it is a ranch style resort for the Trojan Coporation. And the latter is the half bred love child of Austin and San Antonio. LMAO. Gotta love Texas for all its weirdness.

raytx

These are not in TX, but still odd. Frogmore, SC and Pumpkintown, SC.

raytx

How about White Settlement, TX? Though, when you learn the history of the name it's more understandable , but in today's culture, it could still use an update.

H_e_x

"State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations"I thought Rhode Island new better.

James Reasoner

Several years ago there was an election to change the name of White Settlement to West Settlement. The proposition was defeated by a landslide.

squinney

My favorite has always been Cut and Shoot, Texas

Scott Horowitz

Craig..are these town name changes your idea? If not, I'd like to see some research behind this...how many people were polled, over what time period the poll was taken..you know, that sort of stuff. Because these towns are unique. I live in Texas..did you know there is a town called West in the east part of Texas? Yeah, it's south of Dallas/Ft. Worth, not too far from where i-35 splits into i-35 west and east.

You want a name change suggestion? How about New Jersey, my home state, the town called Hoboken...what's your take on that one?