Michael Brown's Letters to Sophie, Volume IV: Just a Reminder to Bang Your Husband a Lot, and Draw an Occasional Pampering Bath

More love tips from the master.

This week's installment continues on the theme of how important it is for a wife to rock her husband's world in bed, thus ensuring a healthy, successful marriage. (Transcribed verbatim; all spelling/punctuation errors are Brown's).

Honey, this is my best effort to help you. I will forever reevaluate & try to come up with more concise advice. You just appreciate a loving spouse, praise him, build him up, if you scold him you then physically show your love, never denie him sex -- the way he shows & feels love. Brag on him in front of others and he will be so proud of you...

Oh, the easiest most predictable way to get your husbands...mind right is to make frequent love -- touch him with passion don't just lay there, then complement him on his technique. Be proud of your own sexual performance -- excell, be the best and he won't want any more. Too many headaches drive him into testosterone lunacy. Psychological fact.

Take care of your husband -- you run the household and you are responsible for his clean clothes, being sure he leaves the house looking good, a meal in his belly, returns to a meal & frequently a little pampering massage or bath....You be a sweet, faithful, loving, not-lazy wife seeing the domestic things are done by you or servants directed by you -- you run the house.

Man, we wish we had servants to give us a pampering massage. We have to pay for that sort of thing -- and the whole bath thing costs even more.