Football! This Weekend's Best Bets

sjobsUSE.jpg
Steve Jobs took the under this week
When Steve Jobs passed away yesterday, I was in Target. I learned of his death on my iPhone while standing in the technology section behind the iPad showcase and in front of a rack of DVD's that included several Pixar features.

It's about as poignant a moment as you can have learning about the death of someone that you didn't know personally. Within a ten-foot radius, I was surrounded by luxuries covered in Jobs' fingerprints.

There will be many tributes written to Jobs, I'm not hear to pen a full tribute. Instead, I will pay tribute in the only way I know how -- dedicating this week's Best Bets to him!

So in honor of the late Steve Jobs, a college dropout, here is a "no college/all NFL" version of the week's Best Bets:

Chiefs/COLTS under 38
A lot of times for me picking games comes down to telling yourself "Well, this team just shouldn't be a [x] point [favorite/underdog] at [home/road] at any time." Well, the spread on the Chiefs and the Colts is "Colts -2," and frankly there's no way that the Chiefs should only be getting two points on the road against anybody. However, there's no way the Colts should be favored against anybody...anywhere...anytime. The moral of this story? Both teams suck. Take the under.

Saints/PANTHERS over 51
The only game the Panthers have played that was even remotely defensively oriented involved a monsoon so bad that there were people sitting in the first row of the stadium with water literally up to their waists. In games involving the Panthers and not involving sheets of water falling from the sky, the totals have been 49, 53, and 63. Expecting the Saints to be the opponent where all of a sudden a Panther total goes under is like dating Tara Reid and expecting to come away without an STD. The Saints score points. It's what they do. Like Tara Reid transmitting STD's. (Honestly, I know that was a reach, I just haven't worked Tara Reid into a post in a long time.)

Raiders/TEXANS under 48 1/2
I know there's no Andre Johnson for the Texans, but I think the Texans win this game, and I think they do it playing keepaway with Arian Foster (Raiders give up almost six yards a carry on the ground) either in a close, physical game or in one of those "jump out to a three-touchdown lead and then just run clock and get the hell out" Kubiak specials. Basically, I'm saying this will either be a lot like the Steelers game or a lot like the Colts game. Either way, the Texans' games haven't cracked the 42-point total barrier this year. It doesn't start this week.

BILLS +3 over Eagles
This has all the makings of a pick where I'll look back in, like, Week 12 and ask myself what the hell I was thinking. I mean, go look at their schedules. The Bills could easily wind up being 4-8 and the Eagles likewise could be 8-4 by then. Easily. And yet still my human eyes have given me no evidence to tell me that the Eagles have the intestinal fortitude to pull off a win and a cover on the road against a team that can score against anyone right now.

Real shame too...

GIANTS -9 1/2 over Seahawks
Three words -- negative body clock. (We also would have accepted "Tarvaris Jackson sucks.")

RICE -20 1/2 over Memphis
In honor of Jobs' one semester of college, I will give one college pick in this week's Best Bets, and I think if that pick is in honor of someone who had the sheer intelligence to create so many devices that enhance productivity and bring joy, then it's only right that I find a spread with some smart kids pounding the ever-loving shit out of a local commuter school. So to that end, I give you the Rice Owls over the Memphis Punching Bags by three touchdowns!

(By the way, Rice -20 1/2 over Memphis was the runner up for the "If I Were Abducted By Aliens In 2005 And Came Back To Earth In 2011, I'd Wonder If This Spread Were A Misprint" spread of the week, just behind Stanford over Colorado by 29.)

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

Last Week: 4-2
Season Record: 15-15

Listen to Sean Pendergast on Yahoo! Sports Radio and 1560 The Game weekdays from noon to 3 p.m. and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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2 comments
I gravy-trained off Jim Rome
I gravy-trained off Jim Rome

so are you still contending the Mario Williams move to OLB is a bad idea? And where is your boy Brooks Reed? On the bench. He's not ready to play against starters yet.

ahem!
ahem!

To bad Vince Young's not more popular in China.

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