Ten Sex Toys That Can Also Be Used As Weapons

Categories: Whatever

When we read last week about a robbery at ye olde Conroe sex shoppe, it occurred to us that these establishments get knocked over a lot. What is it about these places -- besides the obvious -- that's so inviting to criminals, anyway?

And then it occurred to us that, if the employees aren't armed with guns to protect themselves, they could at least have some of the store's more heavy-duty product line under the register, as some of these things sound outright dangerous. So here are a few items from Zone d'Erotica, the store that got knocked over, that we thought could also be useful outside the bedroom:

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10. 16.5-inch Studded Paddle
Small enough to fit comfortably under the register, but big enough to pack a hell of a wallop. At first we were thinking of recommending the paddle with holes, which might actually sting more, but the studs on this bad boy are downright scary.

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9. 24-inch Viper Tongue
We don't know what this is used for. And you know what? We don't want to find out. Neither will the dude who had planned on robbing you.

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8. Anal Douche
You'll of course want to keep this one loaded.


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7. Borosilicate Glass Sleek Dildo Wand
This "features a ball handle for easy maneuvering" and a "smoothly rounded end for easy insertion." It will "not shatter, crack, or chip with normal use." The trick is to show the would-be robbers what happens when it's not used normally.

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10 comments
Vibrators
Vibrators

Sometimes, these stuffs can be handy. You will never know what can this be used as and when.

gametruthordare
gametruthordare

I can not imagine how the idea of ​​this article was born. The scene: A non-descript bar. Your companion, a drinking buddy of the university. Friend: "Dude, I bet you can not get pictures of 10 sex devices in an article without getting into trouble." You (the last to make a pot of beer in your glass I will take this be.adult sex game

Still hurting...
Still hurting...

Studded paddle..I'm just glad Sister Mary of Corporal Punishment couldn't get her hands on one during the '50s and '60s

Bon
Bon

Why would you want to rob a place where the employees know how to (mis) use all the the products? Without lubricant?

azjustinsmail
azjustinsmail

They forgot about the 16" long, 3" diameter black dong with balls.

You could kill people with something like that.

Katy
Katy

A few years ago, I was working for a law firm that sued a local sex shop.

Discovery was interesting.You'd be amazed how many people buy zip-up leather hoods...

Anyway... "BALL STRETCHERS"! Which apparently are exactly what they sound like. They seem like they'd violate so many parts of the Geneva Convention that Dick Cheney would take notice AND they're available at about 4 shops within a sqaure mile of where I live.

Ball Stretchers!

Guest
Guest

who the hell would want to stretch their balls? lol seriously i saw my grandpa nekkid once and it was balls to the knees..i never ever forgot that image..ewww...

scotter
scotter

I can imagine how the idea for this article was born.  The scene:  a non-descript bar.  Your companion:  a drinking buddy from college.  Friend: "Dude, I'll bet you can't get pictures of 10 sex devices into an article without getting in trouble."  You (pouring the last of a pitcher of beer into your glass):  "I'll take that bet."

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