URGENT Texans Update: There Will Be No Jonathan Weeks Game

Jonathan Weeks: Uh-oh

I thought I felt a tremor in the Force last week.

Anyway, that's not the worst news. The worst news is this:

Rather than just delegate Weeks's duties to Joel Dreessen (the usual go-to move when the Texans are Weeks-less), the Texans have decided to bring in a free agent long snapper, and his name is Scott Albritton.

Of course, out of complete and utter fear that the new and exciting game sweeping the nation -- "Watch Jonathan Weeks Run Down And Cover Punts" -- may be ready to get put up on the "retired" shelf next to the Sega Genesis, I went on line to see what this Albritton character was all about.

I found this Albritton video:

For the ones and tens of Weeksie fans out there, like me, there are a few causes for concern that come with this Scott Albritton character:

1. Albritton is 6'3", 230 pounds.
In other words, he looks like an actual football player. The Texans have enough real football players on the field. The charm in the Weeks Experience was...I mean IS (Damn, Sean, stay positive, he's still on the team.) that he looks like a regular beer-drinking fella running down the field. He's one of us. There's a reason we won't be playing the "Watch Scott Albritton Run Down On Punt Coverage" game tonight -- it's because he'll be blending in with the other football players. That sucks. Weeks poses no such challenge.

2. Albritton is good.
He was 232 for 232 in college on long snaps. I don't know who keeps track of that, I just know it's impossible to do better than that. (Dig me retaining my math skills. Not bad.)

3. Albritton is healthy.
I'm no doctor, but I'm guessing a sprained ankle on someone 5'10" and 253 pounds isn't going to magically heal all that quickly. How do I know this? Because I've had a sprained ankle at 5'10" and 253 pounds before. I would estimate Weeks's ankle will be healed sometime around 2013. That's later than September 11, 2011. That's bad. (I'm smart.)

4. Albritton went to Colorado State.
Game. Set. Match. Welcome to the Texans, Scott Albritton.

R.I.P. Jonathan Weeks

Listen to Sean Pendergast on Yahoo! Sports Radio (Sirius 94, XM 208) and on 1560 The Game, and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.