(Non-Planet) Pluto Has a New Moon? What the Hell Does This Mean for Astrology?

Pluto is effin' Goofy, is all we know.

​Frankly, we don't keep up much with Pluto and its status as a planet or non-planet. It's kind of like when, as a young altar boy, the Catholic Church demoted a bunch of saints. We just rolled with the flow.

So if Pluto's not a planet, it doesn't really bother us. But it really bothers some of the most scientific people around -- astrologers.

So the recent news that astronomers have discovered a new moon around Pluto has revived the debate over its planet-ness.

Since this new moon is a vitally important subject, we turned, as always, to Houston's Figgy Jones to fill us in on what it all means.

she writes:

Apparently out of spite for having been demoted so publicly, Pluto has mooned us again. For the fourth time, people.

A fourth moon has been discovered in its orbit, not an easy thing to do because Pluto is not only the furthest planet from the Earth, but also has an elliptical (read "crazy") orbit.

Yeah, we said it. It's got moons! We've already bitched about Pluto's comeuppance when one sleep-deprived dude convinced a bunch of scientists to drink his Kool-Aid (see item #2):

After the discovery, noted Houston astrology teacher/practitioner Lilly Roddy remarked: "Seems that the more we discover about Pluto, the more it looks like a planet."

And now, the same bastards who thought they demoted Pluto, the International Astronomical Union, get to name the new discovery. Because Pluto = Hades, the God of the Underworld (see your high school mythology notes), the other three moons have hellish names: Hydra, Nix and Charon. In that same vein, proposed names for the new moon, P4, include Cerberus (the dog guarding the gates of Hell; i.e., the dog in Ghostbusters) and Mickey ('cause that malt liquor is so badass you'll kill someone to drink it warm). If you've got a suggestion, you might as well holla back because evidently they'll listen to anyone. They could give a shit about the Great Destroyer.

Pluto's karma obviously sucks. I have good friends, with Ivy League educations even, who don't believe Pluto even exists. Apparently, those who subscribe to the theories of medieval astrology only go by the planets visible by the human eye.

Under that theory, Dallas wouldn't exist to me, and New York? Hells no. It's a smelly stain on a map.

Back to Pluto. Those of us who have planets in the cardinal signs -- Aries, Libra, Cancer and Capricorn; especially Capricorn -- are having our particular worlds rocked thoroughly. Pretty much since the time of the last presidential election (insert your own brand of political rant here), but particularly in the past few months.

It's a growing pain of the most humbling and yet empowering nature., not unlike the particular set of challenges most humans face between the ages of 28,5 and 30 -- and every 29 years after that, as part of Saturn's cycle in relation to each of our birth time. It's gonna dissipate eventually, but not until it changes you and the world around you first.

The fuss over 2012 is pretty much a non-starter, compared to this drama. Need a day-to-day guide to get you through it? I recommend www.michaellutin.com.