Casey Anthony: Five Reasons She Should Move to Houston

Categories: Courts, Crime

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Casey Anthony: A Houston type of gal?
Casey Anthony, who according to a jury most definitely DID NOT murder her daughter Caylee, is a free woman.

No one seems to be sure where she's headed, but at one point rumors were saying she'd come to Texas.

We think she should, especially Houston. We are well-suited for her, for the following five reasons.

5. Andrea Yates
Casey, you definitely, definitely (according to a jury) did not drown your two-year-old daughter. Definitely. But let's just assume arguendo -- strictly as a devil's advocate thing, you know -- that possibly, maybe, perhaps the jury got it wrong. Just spitballing here. Even if that were the case, you would be a mere piker when it came to mothers drowning their kids. Houston's Andrea Yates will, we fervently hope, forever hold that record.

When someone hassles you in Houston, you can always tell them, "At least I'm not Andrea Yates" if the whole "I was found not guilty, dammit" thing somehow doesn't work.

4. We love people who trick the justice system
We're not saying this applies to you, of course, because you are as innocent as, say, a two-year-old daughter who ended up brutally murdered. But there's been a lot of criticism that you somehow hoodwinked the jury and escaped justice, from people who obviously haven't heard all the facts about your innocence. Well, a lot of people still love Roger Clemens around here. And if you want to see someone giving the middle finger to the court and living to tell the tale as a free man, look no further than the Rocket.

3. Ash Robinson and Blood and Money
We're not sure how much of a reader you are, Casey, seeing how you stay so busy being not guilty of murder and everything. But if you've ever read Blood and Money, you'd know Houston is just the place for someone to not go to jail for a crime he didn't commit or get involved in or even knew about until he read it in the papers. The guy who killed Ash Robinson's beloved daughter had escaped a murder conviction (Sound familiar?), but he somehow ended up dead soon after. Ol' Ash was shocked, shocked to hear about it, and he never was charged with anything.

If you're not a reader, Andy Griffith played him in a miniseries.

2. We looove crazy mothers, like the Cheerleader Mom
Look, you definitely didn't murder your kid. According to a jury. But maybe you weren't the world's greatest mom, you know? Don't worry -- here in Houston you won't be too far out of line. There's Andrea Yates, as we mentioned, and then there's Wanda Holloway, who -- even you are not going to believe this -- hired a hit man to take out the mother of a girl who was competing with Holloway's daughter for a cheerleader spot. Crazy, right? Not in Houston. She served all of six months in jail.

1. You can get Astro tickets real cheap
Really, they're just about giving them away. Of course, the team sucks, and watching them can be punishment. Not that you've done anything worthy of punishment. According to a jury.


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14 comments
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Lkkpkkpop

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eudemonist
eudemonist

Richard Connelly:  Houston's #1 source for faulty understanding of basic concepts!

Cheryl
Cheryl

The Casey Anthony verdict was a travesty. Something went horribly wrong in either what the jury perceived they were there to do -or in their ability to do it.. I am mystified how any intelligent person who saw any of that trial could come away thinking this woman was innocent in any way - like the jurors saying they didn't know how Caylee died or that the motive put forth for the killing wasn't feasible, ....and then they swallow the outlandish fabrications the defence fed them, hook, line and sinker! I wish Casey Anthony would just do us all a favour and take Cindy ( the enabler ) and disappear. Oh and on the way... take the Casey fans, and the 12 "jurors" to the land of OZ so they can finally ask the WIZARD for a brain.

Ejfitzgerald
Ejfitzgerald

The evidence wasn't there to convice her and I have a brain.

Friend
Friend

I meant that the evidence wasn't there to convict her.

Justin
Justin

Hey, how about being enraged about a woman who was rightfully judged "not guilty" on a case built on circumstantial evidence, we actually be angry about all the people who are wrongfully convicted of crimes and sentenced to massive jail time with no reparations? Oh, but I suppose you guys wouldn't get all those web clicks, would you? No, probably not.

This article is a joke. A bad one.

http://www.fortcollinscriminal...

Joy
Joy

Wow I thought Houston was a place of friendly smiles and warm welcomes.  What we think or not, she was found innocent and should be given an opportunity to enjoy life, as all of us should have.  For Caylee does not get that chance, and her murder will be judged and sentenced in another realm other than Earth.  Let he who is without sin cast the first mother-flippin' stone against someone found innocent.

Cheryl
Cheryl

Casey was found "not guilty", she was NOT found "innocent". There is a world of difference. Even the jury members who spoke out agreed on that. This has nothing to do with casting stones. It would be nice if we could simply leave all such ugly matters to a higher power to sort out. But the reality is we mere mortals are charged with finding a system to curb and prevent these things from happening, and to protect vulnerable people in our society. Sometimes even from the "allegedly" "not guilty" people who slip through the cracks.The anger and the public outcry are the natural reaction to a very human legal system that in this case, truly let us down.

Justin
Justin

The justice system worked precisely the way it was supposed to work. All the Nancy Graces in the world cannot convict a woman. The evidence was not appropriate for the conviction that prosecution were seeking. Had they not been so set on the strongest conviction, she may be in jail. But they overreached their capabilities, the justice system operated the way it was meant to (because the evidence cannot convict anyone, despite all the media mob rush), and the correct sentence was doled out. The public somehow misses this idea, however.

Kylejack
Kylejack

I'm not liking the bloodlust in 3.

Cheryl
Cheryl

Oops! Sorry for spelling your name wrong! Can't type worth beans. Excellent article. Thanks again.

Cheryl
Cheryl

OMG. Mr. Richard Conelly-this is priceless! Thank you! You have restored my faith in the intelligence of humankind. And I'm definitely not saying your exquisitely sardonic wit would be lost on some jurors or anything... But in looking for a way to come to terms with this whole travesty -your "matter of fact" wisdom does a soul good. Thanks!

Kdb33
Kdb33

Hilariously written. You can have her, We don't want her anymore. (:

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