Annise Parker: Lamest "Gay Agenda" Ever

Shockingly, Dave Wilson is outraged.

​Dave Wilson, the homophobe who did everything he could to derail Annise Parker's mayoral race, is at it again, mass-mailing people to try to drum up a candidate to oppose her re-election, the Houston Chronicle reports.

Wilson says Parker has promoted a "gay agenda" and lists such examples as, the Chron says:

-- Parker appointed Phyllis Frye, a transgender attorney born as Phillip Frye, as a municipal court judge.

-- Parker signed an executive order that prohibits city employees from blocking any employee or member of the public's access to a city restroom "that is consistent with and appropriate to that person's expression of gender identity." Wilson described the order in his letter as one that "allows men dressed as women to use the women's restroom."

-- Parker has, in Wilson's words, "carved out a new council district for homosexuals (District C)."

Speaking as a straight dude, this is the lamest gay agenda since the last meeting of the Gay Accountants Who Love the Twilight Series.

No forced gay marriages? No indoctrinating little kids into "the lifestyle" during city summer camps? No demands for a return of the WNBA to Houston?

Frankly, we're disappointed. Phyllis Frye might be enough to raise Dave Wilson's hackles, but we want more.

We expect:

-- City-sponsored outdoor block parties to watch Project Runway episodes directly in front of Dave Wilson's house.

-- Change the name of Hermann Park to He-Man Park, and replace Sam Houston's statue with a loincloth-clad muscleman that oils itself automatically and has a conspicuous bulge. He is pointing towards the Ripcord, of course.

-- The city councilmember elected from District C will also represent Dave Wilson, no matter where he lives.

-- Light rail will henceforth be referred to in all city documents as "The L Word."

Do all that, maybe we'll get on board with Wilson. Maybe.