The Houston Astros: As Bad As We Thought They Were

twin twins2.JPG
John Royal
Upset with the Astros, well the Aeros give you a reason to cheer
Okay Houston sports fans. There's good news, and there's bad news. The bad news is that the Astros are 8-14 for the season and are, as expected, battling for the worst record in major league baseball. The good news is that there are still 140 games to go in the season. On second thought, maybe that's bad news followed by more bad news.

So with the Astros having an off day today, let's offer up a few observations on this season.

1. Astros manager Brad Mills is upset by his team's defense, saying that he didn't think it was going to be this bad. But one has to ask: what in the hell was Mills expecting? He's starting Bill Hall every night. There's a reason that Hall can't find a position. It's because he sucks.

2. But Bill Hall's not the only reason the Astros lead the majors in errors -- he's the primary reason, true, but not the only reason. Chris Johnson's not exactly known for his defensive abilities. Jason Michaels flopping around in left field yesterday made Carlos Lee look graceful, and after reliever Mark Melancon took out first baseman Brett Wallace on Saturday, one should not be shocked to see Astros infielders be a bit more careful when it comes to getting close to the pitching mound.

3. On the plus side, the Astros almost turned a triple play on Saturday night. Of course, a bad throw across the mound to Wallace prevented the Astros from getting the third out. But then, if Melancon would not have legged whipped Wallace a couple of plays earlier, the near-triple play wouldn't have been needed.

4. Just an aside, if you want to see a Houston professional sports team that's actually good, the Aeros are in the playoffs. They swept their first-round series, and are now awaiting for the Texas/Milwaukee series to finish up so they can find out their next opponent.

5. Has anybody seen the current issue of Texas Monthly? Apparently, while nobody was looking, the Texas Rangers became America's team. One can only hope that Drayton McLane is hanging his head in shame at what he's done to the Astros.

6. The Astros pitching has been sucking pretty bad lately. But what would one expect from a rotation that includes J.A. Happ and Nelson Figueroa? At least Bud Norris is pitching against the St. Louis Cardinals this week, and if Norris pitched against nobody but the Cards, he would be well on his way to the Hall of Fame.

Chris Wallace.jpg
No, this Christopher Wallace is not the future of the Astros. You're thinking about Chris Wallace the catcher

7. Speaking of the Cardinals, just how weird is it going to be seeing Lance Berkman wearing that uniform? Which version of Astros fan are we going to see at this game: the morons who still boo Carlos Beltran for taking the better contract offer from the Mets, or those who know that Berkman wanted to come back to Houston, but the Astros didn't want him?

8. Hey, does Berkman's return to town mean the return of the Little Pumas? If so, MMP's attendance might approach 23,000 per game against the Cards.

9. There have been numerous, breathless updates as to when Clint Barmes will finally come off of the DL and join the Astros. When that happens, expect the team's awful defense to become even worse. And since it's Barmes, expect him to be back on the DL within a month.

10. The supposed future of the Astros at catcher is Jason Castro. But while he recovers from injury, one might want to take a glance at Houston's single-A team in Lexington where former Houston Cougar catcher Chris Wallace is tearing apart the minors in his first full season of professional baseball. If Wallace keeps this up, one can't help but wonder how much longer it is until Wallace is promoted to Corpus Christi. And if you're name is Jason Castro, you might really want to start paying some attention to what Wallace is doing.

11. Just a reminder, instead of throwing away your money going to MMP to watch one of the worst teams in baseball, consider instead buying some Aeros playoff tickets so that you can see what a good team looks like. And with teams like the Astros, Rockets, Texans, and Dynamo, the Aeros might provide the city with its only glimpse at a playoff team for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time.

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15 comments
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Jack Cluth
Jack Cluth

If MLB was the English Premier League, the Astros would be a lock for relegation at season's end.

Johnisgay
Johnisgay

Wow horrible article anyone can say try suck just by looking at there record a true baseball fan can tell you why there not on top of the NL central not just blame it on 2 individual players.

John Royal < 2011 Astros

Homelesscentaur
Homelesscentaur

The only thing more difficult than watching them lose is reading an article going on about how bad they are and blaming ownership. How tedious. The "Let's kick them while they are down" article. Gains about as much respect as those who root for the Yankees because they win all the time. Way to take the tough road.

WHAAA
WHAAA

Yet another dump on the Astros column? How surprising. Someone pays you for this?

H_e_x
H_e_x

Well, the Astros do seem to be sucking. Do you have proof that shows otherwise?

Astros fan
Astros fan

But Bill Hall's not the only reason the Astros lead the majors in errors -- he's the primary reason, true, but not the only reason-------Did you look at the stats before you made that statement? The Astros have 23 errors, and Bill Hall has only 1 of those errors. Chris Johnson and Angel Sanchez lead the team in errors with 5 each. Hall is far from the Astros' biggest problem on defense. And, in fact, he has added more range to 2d base than the Astros have had in some time.

JB
JB

You seriously expect research in these articles? Royal's never even had an original thought about the Astros. He's not going to suddenly start working at his craft.

Arthur_miller
Arthur_miller

The Dynamo are good.. They're going to make the playoffs this year, especially because they switched to the eastern conference.

Texans_00
Texans_00

Hey Royal, am betting if you were able to play in pros you would be 0-22, why not shut up with the Astros hate, because when they get rolling you will be begging to lick their backsides

H_e_x
H_e_x

I can't direct movies, but I can still say Michael Bay sucks ass.

Wyatt
Wyatt

Exactly. That's actually a much better example than what I offered.

Wyatt
Wyatt

This is the stupidest shit I've ever heard. I hate that argument - "YOU COULDN'T DO ANY BETTER LOLOLOLOL"

Of course not. But he's not getting paid to play baseball. If you bought a car that ended up being a piece of shit because the manufacturer did a terrible job, would you accept, "Oh well, you couldn't build a better one yourself, so there you go." Negligent pilot nearly crashes a plane I'm on? Well, I don't know the first thing about flying, so I guess I can't complain, right?

Spacewine
Spacewine

Shut up about the Aeros already. Do you work for them or something?

Coreyat
Coreyat

I'm sure the Astros would love for him to shut up about the Aeros too. They don't want Houstonians reminded that another Houston sports franchise can put out a winning team with better athletes and a better all-around product at a fraction of the price the Astros do.

So, John, please don't listen to Spacewhine. Please keep posting about the Aeros.

big red
big red

Notice how attendance at MMP is no longer mentioned in the chron? When attendance goes up, they are slobbering all over Drayton and his minions. Now that it is in decline, no mention and certainly no daily updates about this year's attendance vs. last year's. I realize it is early in the season, but find it interesting that they have more 2 for 1 ticket deals and special pricing than I can ever remember - especially in April and May.

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