Comment of the Day: Whataburger Edition

This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit, clarity and whatever else we feel like at the moment.

When you're drunk late at night in Texas, you are almost guaranteed to end up at a Whataburger. Everyone knows this, including the commenters on the Drunken Wee Hours Whataburger story.

We had a really difficult time deciding which amazing comment we were going to post from it, so we went with two.

First up, Max and his alleged tales of Whataburger drunkenness:

Ahh yes, down here on the Sandspit I had a lady friend busted for giving a blowjob in the line. The dude she was goin' down on was busted for coke, charges were dropped later cuz it was proven to be sheet rock. A ways later a very prominent socialite busted for pickin' up her food butt ass nekid, cops followed her home and busted her when she mooned them. Charges were dropped cuz she's got a damn fine moon. Tail's from South Padre Island.

If that isn't enough, there's The D and his across-the-street drunk driving story:

I once drove drunk from a friend's apartment to the Whataburger across the street - literally right across the street. We could have walked. In the roughly 10 minutes it took between leaving the apartment and getting our food I managed to 1) curb check violently enough to ruin my tire and wheel, 2) get out of the car and piss all over the menu sign and speaker, 3) puke on myself right as i pulled up to the window. That's just how I do it. WHATABURGER4LYFE!

Cheers, fellas! Don't forget to order fries with your beer next time.