Five Video Games More Tasteless Than Call of Juarez: The Cartel

Categories: Whatever

cartelgame021211.jpg
Ubisoft
Call of Juarez
Even though the Mexican Drug War continues unabated a few hundred miles down the Southwest Freeway, this news that there is a South of the Border-themed Grand Theft Auto video game in the works somehow seems predictable.

According to manufacturer Ubisoft, first-person shooter Call of Juarez: The Cartel will offer gamers a "present day" take on "the lawlessness of the Old West."

You'll embark on a bloody road trip from Los Angeles to Juarez, Mexico immersing yourself in a gritty plot with interesting characters and a wide variety of game play options. Take justice into your own hands in this modern Western shooter.

No word if you can power up via journalists murdered, women and children beheaded, or politicians blown to kingdom come.

Cops in the Valley are not relishing the Summer 2011 release. "Unfortunately there are companies that are looking to capitalize on the violent situation in Mexico which has had a very negative impact on the country," Brownsville Police Chief Carlos Garcia told the McAllen Monitor. "There have been spillover cases in certain areas of our country with cases of kidnappings and murders. This is a serious topic and this is just another violent video game."

Indeed it is. And that's why we would like to humbly submit five more of perhaps even more questionable taste and decency for Ubisoft's consideration.

5. Buffalo Hunter: Doom on the Range
Help starve the pesky Injuns onto reservations in this first-person shooter big game hunter sim. Rack up big points and heap big buffalo skins with your trusty Sharps rifle. Earn bonus points killing the beasts from moving trains, just like Buffalo Bill Cody. Also, in our Trading Post mode, you can earn big bucks selling firewater and smallpox blankets to the Sioux

4. The Big C: Stage IV
From humble beginnings as a dormant cell in a nonessential organ, you must fight off everything your host's immune system can throw at you as you attempt to band together with others of your kind and colonize brains, livers and lungs. And as you grow, the challenges only get tougher: boss battles against King Chemo and Rex Radiation will keep gamers glued to their consoles for hours.

3. Helter Skelter: Son of Man
In this historical RPG, you start as a penniless hillbilly drifter on the swingin' streets of groovy LSD-drenched LA circa the Summer of Love. Armed only with an acoustic guitar and a piercing thousand-yard-stare, you try to assemble an adoring cult of starry-eyed teenaged runaways and stoned-out musicians who will help you in your ultimate mission: world domination attained through Beatles-themed butcherings of random Hollywood stars.

2. 0911 Flight Simulator
Combining the best traits of an espionage RPG and the finest in flight sim gaming, 0911 begins with your character's briefing in a Yemeni coffeehouse. From there, you attempt to blend in with American society as you learn to fly and hang out in strip clubs. And then come September, you've got to get those box-cutters on the planes and change the world!

1. Call of Warsaw: The Ghetto
As a foot soldier in Hitler's Wehrmacht in occupied Poland, you've got a tough mission. And it only gets tougher when the starving denizens of Warsaw's Jewish ghetto rise up in full-scale revolt.Your mission: subdue the rock-throwing rebels by any means necessary. While you have plenty at your disposal -- light infantry, Panzer brigades and Stuka fighter-bombers raining screaming death from above -- the trick is in killing as many rebels as possible with minimal destruction to property, because points are also awarded on how much you can loot! A historical first-person shooter combining historical accuracy, brains and good old-fashioned mayhem!


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7 comments
Slyfunkymonk
Slyfunkymonk

What a decieving, poorly written and researched, article. And as for the list of five (non-existent) games, you tried to make CoJ look bad for taking current events and turning them into a fictionalized story by what? Making fun of no longer current, but still horrible, events.

Wayto go Mr. Lomax, I'll remember the name and be sure to avoid your 'work' from now on.

H21
H21

I don't see this as much different from a movie studio wanting to touch on the subject. From everything I've read on the game, it doesn't look Grand Theft Auto-esque at all. You also play from a "good guy" perspective as well.

Max
Max

The game isn't a Grand Theft Auto style game. It was profiled in Electronic Gaming Monthly last week. You're not playing a criminal. It's a first person shooter from the perspective of law enforcement. You play an FBI agent, a DEA agent, or an L.A. Homicide detective. Next time maybe do a little research...

2T
2T

violence in video games?!? <yawn></yawn>

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