Wade Phillips: Selling the Excitement

Wade Phillips: Can we bottle this charisma?

All:
Big days don't come much bigger than today, when we formally welcome the beginning of the Wade Phillips Era at Reliant Stadium.

While you may be thinking you have easy jobs this time around -- after all, if you can't sell Wade Phillips to football fans, you're in the wrong business -- I think we need to really pump people up. (Some fans, it appears, were a little disappointed with the 2010 season, which makes no sense because all the NFL owners told me we were doing just great.)

Those same owners have told me they're all extremely jealous that we were able to get Wade. The sheer impossibility of it all even had some of them giggling as they told me.

Anyway, we need to capitalize on this big moment. Here's how:

1. If there's one thing Wade Phillips stands for, it's discipline with an iron fist. Just ask any player who's ten minutes late for a meeting, although you'll probably have to wait another five or ten minutes for him to show up.

I see a marketing campaign emphasizing this. You're the experts, I'll let you work up the details. We can meet with Wade on this tomorrow at 9, 9:30, whenever you get in.

2. Appeal to the youth market. "But Boss," I can hear you saying, "Wade Phillips is 63 years old."

Possibly. But he's a very spry 63. So we need to get him out to the clubs, we need to have "paparazzi" photos taken of him at Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga concerts, whatever ones he goes to. (He's possibly a Ke$ha fan instead.) Set up a lot of "What's on your iPod?" interviews. (Note: If he says, "Is that the gol-dang earplug thing?" I'm sure he's only kidding.) I'm pretty sure he has a sweet pimped-out ride, so get him on MTV.

Sell his hip side, people.

3. Sell his record. He's been a head coach for a full season nine times. (I'm including 2010, only because it's so mind-boggling that the Cowboys actually let him go.) Of those nine years, he won two division titles. How many of the Texans won in their nine years? None. So sell that. Winning a division is very, very tough: Just ask Seattle.

Look, people, you've got absolute gold to work with here. Don't make me do your jobs for you.

Be a champion!!
Mr. McNair