Jesus & Wells Fargo: Thou Shalt Not Close My Checking Account

Categories: Whatever

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Forgive them, father, for they know not how to bank
​Our favorite self-proclaimed Second Coming of Jesus is vowing "retribution" against Wells Fargo for closing his checking account.

Houston's Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda, who claims hundreds of thousands of followers in 103 countries, says in a YouTube message to his flock that the bank inexplicably closed his account, but left his wife's open. (You can recognize his most serious followers by their "666" tattoos, as Miranda also claims he's the Antichrist).

Although Miranda claims that he will shed his human form in 544 days and has supernatural abilities, he appears to be powerless -- or at least concerned -- when it comes to certain earthly chores.

"How am I supposed to pay my bills if I don't have a checking account?" Miranda asks in the translated video. The tribulation was especially upsetting because, Miranda says, "I just finished designing some very nice checks."

His spokeswoman tells Hair Balls that Miranda isn't "physically warning that he will do something" to Wells Fargo. "What he's saying is that the angels take control and are the ones to manifest. He doesn't have to move a finger."

She also tells us that Wells Fargo definitely "made a mistake" by "daring to come up against the living god." (When asked, she said the account in question belonged to Miranda's ministry and was not his personal account).

Man -- first Jesus is nailed to a cross, then, 2,000 years later, he loses his checking account. It's like his bad luck never ends. Not that it's our place, but we think the Lamb of God might have better luck at a credit union.

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Dioslogan
Dioslogan

Prince -Moody Excellent question, why the closing of the account? Hey, investigate, Did He ripped off another bank???? Are you guys the ¨LAND OF THE FREE¨¨?? You are just another 3rd world country with a lot tech. Luke 17:25 ¨¨ But first he must suffer a great deal and be rejected by those living today.¨¨ GOD'S WORD® Translation ... Hey America, The MAN CHRIST JESUS IS HERE!!!. WAKE UPP!! 1Timothy 2: 5 New Living Translation (©2007)For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity--the man Christ Jesus.

Irini666
Irini666

Galatians 6: 7Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. So, the United States is a religious nation, not a democracy? Then, the human rights doesn't applies in this nation? Irini Papahiu, Guatemala.

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