Gary Kubiak Deathwatch: He Is Risen

Categories: Football, Sports

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Bob McNair's decision to retain Gary Kubiak -- yes, there's a Hitler video about it -- shakes at the very foundations of belief in a sane, logical universe.

What kind of owner brings back Kubiak? The kind of owner who hires Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator, that's who.

Just think -- back when we first instituted the Gary Kubiak Deathwatch, we forgot to include a setting that said, "Not only is he back, but it's Wade Phillips Time!!" We probably were too taken in by all that Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl talk.

So, fans, your 2011 Texans!! The offense led by a man who should have been fired for producing an utterly inept team, and a defense led by a man who was fired for producing an utterly inept team.

(Yes, yes, we know the Kubiak offense was a steamrolling juggernaut which struck fear in every NFL team even as it lost to almost every NFL team.)

Why is Kubiak coming back? Sure, there's the "pictures of McNair with a goat" theory, but we dismiss that. To a degree.

We offer five possible explanations:

a) Gary Kubiak must buy a whole lot of season tickets, since he sure doesn't sell them

b) McNair was going to fire Kubiak, but the chance to pair him with Wade Phillips was irresistible

c) GM Rick Smith told McNair keeping Kubiak was the "smart move," and when has Rick Smith ever been wrong about anything?

d) If there's one thing Bob McNair admires, it's a stout brushcut head of hair

e) McNair knows there's not going to be a 2011 season because of the lockout, so why should he pay a new coach to sit and do nothing?

Have a happy offseason, Texans fans!

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4 comments
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Mnwild
Mnwild

@ Homer: The answere to all you questions is YES it is his fault along with the GM. Is it Schmubiaks fault the Texans have never been better than MEDIOCRE? YES!

me
me

Homer was being sarcastic.

Homer
Homer

When will you Kubiak haters let it go. Is it Kubiaks fault that the other teams had better athletes and were better prepared? Is it Kubiaks fault that the other teams wouldn't give him more time during games to not give the ball to Foster so he could balance his playbook? Is it Kubiaks faults that the other teams knew how to put themselves in the position to win games? Wake up guys, Kubiak doesn't coach the other teams, he had no control over what other teams did, so how can this possibly be his fault?

BAMF
BAMF

Slitting wrist.

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