Female Teachers Sexing Students: The Seven Types Of Internet Commenters

Heather+Merritt+(Custom).jpeg
Heather Merritt: The inevitable hittability debate ensues
Heather Dawn Merritt, a biology teacher in Paris, Texas, has been sentenced to three years for having sex with an underaged student.

It's not exactly news these days, but such stories seem irresistible to the Web. And although the Paris story has yet to fully attract the typical range of commenters, chances are pretty good that by the time it dies versions of these seven types of people will have weighed in:

7. The guy who informs the world whether the teacher meets his exacting "I'd hit it" standards or not
In real life? Dude probably gets giddy over any woman who talks with him for more than 30 seconds in a bar.

6. The guy who then dismisses the looks of the teacher as not being up to his (much higher) "I'd hit it" standards
See above.

5. The guy who asks where these teachers were when he was in high school
Probably avoiding masturbating schmucks like you.

4. The guy who describes his high school teachers
They all, it seems, fell into one of these categories:
a) overweight
b) old
c) had hair in places where women shouldn't have hair
d) were nuns
e) all of the above

3. If the teacher specializes in biology, hilarity (doesn't) ensue

Jokes even Jay Leno wouldn't use. Well, no, he probably would.

2. The guy who criticizes "the idiot" or the "fag" who turned the teacher in
"If that was me, I'd just keep banging it and keep my mouth shut." Yeah, you lost us at "If that was me."

1. The person who responds to all this by asking what someone would think if it was a male teacher and a 15-year-old girl
OMG. My eyes have suddenly been open to society's double standards, something of which I was utterly unaware before your insightful comment.

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19 comments
jimking
jimking

What's worse, those commenters or people like this giant douche who points out the very, very obvious and apparently expects us to think it's new information.  What a moron.

John
John

Richard, you nailed it!  No pun intended. I always look in the comments on those articles to see exactly what you described. Classic stuff from you, as always.

David Houston
David Houston

The author is taking the piss out of you, and apparently the rest of us also...  Doesn't matter what you think. Why feed him with more ammunition...

David Houston
David Houston

Why should anyone bother commenting here then? If you are going to reduce anyone who does to public ridicule.  Seems the commentators can't win, if they condemn what happened you ridicule them, if they applaud the kid for getting some, you ridicule them just the same.  I've been suspecting something like this for a while, since your 'comment of the day' seems mostly meant to try and ridicule or demean a poster from the day before... Not sure I like the agenda of this paper. Seems all pretty mean and childlike really. People are people and free to believe whatever they like and hold any opinion that they choose, without your liberal opinions being used to ridicule anyone. Oh sure, you alone are right, and the rest of us are all wrong, no matter which way we think, that's how this article reads. Well listen, your opinion is only as good as anyone else's, and just as open to question as the rest of us. Maybe you should take it a step further and stop posting stories about molester teachers doing the dirty with school kids placed in their trust, you seem to like these kinds of stories; probably the best thing to do if you really don't want to know what your readers think about it?  Just saying like...

Gaspar Ramsey
Gaspar Ramsey

    Such goings on have been going on since I was in junior high school in the 1950's to my certain knowledge, and probably a whole lot longer. When I taught at Crosby High School in the late 60's, the Superintendent of Schools encouraged his daughter to date teachers in hope that one would impregnate and then marry her. My high school band director left town under suspicion, which everybody knew to be pretty much of a fact, but I don't think anyone actually approved of it. As an educator, it has happened around me, but I have seen much of the same thing during my work experiences for major oil companies. In my early years, it was hushed up like a church sex scandal, but in the last 20 years, the general attitude has been more outraged, with heavier and heavier penalties suffered by the offenders. I hope the trend stops before we begin burning them at the stake.

cowcharge
cowcharge

Then there are the so-called journalists who seem to think they're noticing something no one else has ever noticed.  OMG. My eyes have suddenly been open to internet commenters' lack of originality, something of which I was utterly unaware of before your insightful article.

Zeus
Zeus

I have a different kind of comment.  I'm wondering why this has become such an epidemic since Mary Kay Loutorneau (sp?) started it all.  How can a teenager, with no/limited experience actually satisfy these women?  Maybe it's the thrill of a forbidden act that excites them?  I truly have no idea.

Silo44
Silo44

I wonder if she swallows?

Observer
Observer

Teenage boys act like they care about what a girl (woman, in this case) looks like; they lie. They want to get laid so bad, they'll "hit" anything. Trust me: if you saw some of my pregnant students, you'd understand how true that is.

Jackson
Jackson

The 8th kind of Internet commenter: The one who thinks they're different from the rest because they make an unoriginal post describing what other commenters are like.

comment
comment

Google image search isn't helpful. If a broad knows she's getting busted she should post the most flattering pic of herself on the net before she goes away for a few years.

Kyle
Kyle

Nice. Don't forget guy number 8 who applies a sexist standard to relationships between a teacher and a student. Boys are lucky while girls are abused, etc.

Dino Yancey
Dino Yancey

How very Fark of you...

I'd want to see what the rest of her look like before I decide whether I'd hit it or not.

Craig
Craig

I'd punch it - in the FACE

Jeff
Jeff

"OMG. My eyes have suddenly been open to society's double standards, somethiing of which I was utterly unaware of before your insightful comment."

Hilarious!

Kyle
Kyle

Nm, 1 is basically that.

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