The Texas Lege: Five Crazy Things It Will Debate In 2010

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Come for the budget-cutting, stay for the insanity
We regret to inform you that 2011 is one of those godforsaken years when the Texas Legislature will be in session.

We further regret to inform you that Republicans have a supermajority in the House, and almost half of those GOPers are proud members of the Tea Party Caucus.

So, your government at work? It might be a train wreck.

Here are five things we look forward to the Lege taking up in the coming year:

5. State's Rights
There's nothing like hearing heavily accented Southern pols blather on about "State's Rights" to whooping, overwhelmingly white crowds. Brings back such memories nightmares. Nevertheless, bills seeking to assert the rights of states to annul federal laws they don't like are in the hopper despite, you know, centuries of Constitutional law.

4. No gays in the National Guard
This bill hasn't been pre-filed yet, but we're guessing it's only because no Tea Partier has read of the effort in Virginia. Sure, Hussein Obama might have opened up the armed forces to forcible homosexual rape of innocent soldiers, but Texas still has some control over its National Guard units. And by God, we're not going to let any Lady Gaga-loving pree-verts among the brigades we're gonna be sending down to patrol the borders.

3. Birther bills
Texans, you are no longer vulnerable to the horror of possibly voting for a non-American for president. At least you won't be if State Rep Leo Berman's bill passes. We personally believe this is closing the barn door after the socialistic horse has escaped to the White House, but any time spent debating and dealing with this matter is less time spent taking Texas back to the 19th Century.

2. Immigration Armageddon
Governor Rick Perry has famously said Arizona's draconian anti-immigrant bill is not good for Texas. Tea Partiers have famously said it's damn good for Texas, although they're open to the possibility that it doesn't go far enough since there's no mention of the death penalty. Probable result: Tea Partiers produce a bill that includes some slight cosmetic changes to the Arizona monstrosity, providing Perry with enough cover to sign it.

1. Guns, Guns, Guns
You want to carry guns, Texas? Before this next session ends, you'll probably be required to carry a gun. There are bills to allow guns on college campuses, because the world needs Rambos to take out the maniacs who shoot up campuses every day. There are bills to allow guns on boats, because...because...pirates? (Falcon Lake, probably.) There are bills declaring that no federal laws or regulations should apply to any guns or ammo made and used strictly in Texas.

So yeah, it's not going to just be all about the cutting-already-starving social services and schools. There will be plenty of important issues being discussed, too!


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