Five Facebook Trends That Need to Die

One of these is you and it's not "The Cute One."

​We all love Facebook. For women, it's a way to post pictures of your engagement ring and self-esteem boosting phrases to make you look to all your friends like your life is better than theirs. For guys, it's a way to look at photos of women you've had sex with or want to have sex with and imagine them naked. In short, it's awesome.

But, with all the fun, there are some drawbacks. There are the ongoing debates about privacy, the ads that get increasingly more personal and being tagged in photos that make you look fat posted by someone with greater self confidence and/or a smaller waist size than you. Thanks a lot, mom!

All those issues, while frustrating, don't bring us nearly the anguish as the five trends on our list we think should die immediately.

5. Tagging Things Other Than Photos
We're not talking about MySpace-like notes asking you to run down the list of how many books you've read this year or what albums you can't live without. Those important items help us to know if we want to hang out with you or not (hint: we don't). What we mean are those silly boxes of cartoon images. You know the one you where your friend tagged a drawing of a Jesus fish and the words "The Spiritual One" except that you're Jewish and this is just your friend's way of passive aggressively saying, "You killed our Lord!"

4. Games & Quizzes
Farmville is just the tip of this horrific iceberg. There are the gifts and the badges and the Mafia Wars. There are also the annoying quizzes like "Do you love me?" or "Are you a pedophile?" or "Does this make me look fat?" We're pretty sure those are real.

3. Invites to Ongoing Events
Stop creating events that last for weeks. We know you really, really want us to participate in early voting, but having that annoying reminder under our event box day after day makes us want to not early vote just to spite you, which means lower voter turnout and, just like that, you broke America.

2. Changing Profile Photos for Causes
We all saw the recent jokes when people changed their profile photos to cartoon characters in support of ending child abuse. It pointed out both how pointless those efforts can be and how many cynical assholes there are on the internet. Hair Balls wants an all Jack Klugman as Quincy M.E. avatar day in support of the Los Angeles County Coroner's Office, but we aren't holding our breath.

1. Complaints About Not Having a Dislike Button
We'd like to have a dislike button just to dislike this idea, but we're afraid doing that would rip a hole in the space time continuum. Saying you want a dislike button is like saying, "I really need to express myself, but I don't have time to type out a whole comment." Congratulations on being both annoying and lazy.