The 10 Worst Things About Family Thanksgivings
There's nothing you can do about it. You will not be allowed to sit around alone at home. If you're lucky, you'll be with friends or with a nice, fun, easy-going bunch of relatives.
But not everyone's that lucky. So if you're one of the unfortunates, you know what you must endure at a family Thanksgiving.
10. The long-winded prayer
If your family's only as religious as it needs to be, then the most religious person in it will grab this opportunity and milk it for all its worth. Completely oblivious to everyone else around the table straining not to roll their eyes, the preacher wannabe will drone on about Jesus and the bounty in front of you, which is quickly getting cold.
9. The settling-scores prayer
"And Lord, though some of us have chosen to test your love by getting DWIs, or not telling their parents they've skipped half their algebra classes this semester, or think they will get a job by sitting around with an xBox all day....."
8. Very strange looking side dishes
Aunt Bridget's squash surprise didn't quite come out like Redbook said it would, but by God it's on the table and someone's going to eat it or your Mom will know the reason why.
7. The Tea Party Dude
Visine: Essential for the back-home-from-college Thanksgiving
He's related, somehow, but you're not sure how. All you know is he's cracking jokes about "hope and change" and being thankful Osama hasn't figured out a way yet to tax turkey. And if he does get the floor when it's time to say grace, get ready for something about taking the country back. At least he'll remove his "No You Can't" gimme cap for that brief moment.
6. The people who think no one knows they're stoned
A little Visine, an Altoid's, they're good to go. And no one will know, especially as you huddle in a group in the corner, laughing uproariously every so often.
5. Drunk Aunt
She'll want to hear everything about your social life at college. And suggest that maybe she could "friend" you on the Friendbook thing, which will remind her about how she got "a friendly request" from this person she knew in high school who was always stuck up. but now shezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.