Bill White's Election "Party" Stumbles On, Even As Networks Crown Perry

Aaron Sprecher

This podium is about as empty as Bill White's watch party.

​If you can get to the Americas Hilton ballroom tonight, it'd be well worth it: less than an hour after the polls have closed, the Bill White election watch is nearly deserted, which means there is no wait to get your paws all over the delicious treats: mousse shots, brownie bites, lemon squares, and such a wide variety of tea cookies that there wasn't even enough room on the placard to list all the types, so the caterer just wrote "Assorted Tea Cookies."  In addition to booze to knock this all back with, there is also a mondo-refreshing orange juice and ginger-ale mix. Heavenly.

Hair Balls is writing all of this because we don't want to give the impression that Bill White's run was a complete waste of everyone's time and that this evening has the air of impending doom, like hanging around Eddie Murphy's crib on the opening night of The Adventures of Pluto Nash.

You know Eddie's gonna show up and say something about how everyone gave it their best, but really, all you want to do is go home and hug your children.

There are only about 60 non-media people here, and whoever is in charge of music has a sick sense of humor because Kool & The Gang's "Celebrate" would frankly sound more appropriate at a funeral. Word is that White won't show up until much later, so we're hoping that someone from his team at least hired a magician or a clown who makes balloon animals, otherwise we might fall asleep. Then again, this just means more chocolate mousse shots for us. We'll be back...

Update: Every network has called it for Perry.