Something Called Total Beauty Thinks Houstonians Are Fat, Stinky & Have Bad Teeth

Categories: Spaced City
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We feel shame
Just when we were getting over whatever the latest pseudo-ranking that someone put out, we get hit again.

Houston, you smell, you have bad teeth, you're fat and you don't move around much.

So says Total Beauty, and since it combines the words "total" and "beauty" they must know what they're talking about.

They've named us the one of the "Eight Cities With the Ugliest Guys"and it hurts man. It hurts.
Houstonians ranked no. 8 in worst teeth, and more than 15 percent of men 25 and up have less than a 9th grade education. This booming metropolis also has a problem with body odor, according to our research. About one-quarter of the population is considered sedentary, and Houston has a higher than average obesity rate. Is it something in the water?
Wait, whut with the "worst teeth?

Oh:

Houston residents drink more cola than anywhere else in the country. That plus their ranking of no. 49 in dental visits and no. 41 in dentists per capita doesn't bode well for healthy teeth. Their hard water can also contribute to stains and their ranking as no. 6 in fattest cities means their teeth and gums may be lacking in nutrients and circulation as well. If they want whiter teeth they'll need to put down the Coke can and pick up the phone to make an appointment with their dentist.
They're on to us.

We bet the people at Total Beauty have gorgeous teeth and don't smell bad.

We're sorry for not living up to those high standards.

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