Ten TV Shows That Need To Go Away Now

Categories: Pop Rocks

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We're barely a month into the fall TV season and have already lost three new network shows. My Generation, the show that was to catch us up on a group of high school graduates ten years after the fact (and presumably set to the music of The Who) pulled a Keith Moon after two episodes. Lone Star, the much-advertised/not-so-much watched tale of a Texas con man likewise never made it to episode three, and just last week we learned Outlaw, got the noose after only four episodes.

TV is a harsh mistress, and the criteria that determine a hit show are often as inscrutable as the Mona Lisa's smile or the lyrics to an old R.E.M. song, so there's no telling what new programs are destined for the great electronic dustbin (were I a betting man, I'd be laying pretty heavily on $#*! My Dad Says and Mike & Molly). Personally, I think it's too bad some shows don't get a chance to develop when According to Jim was allowed to crap up the airwaves for eight seasons.

With that in mind, here are ten veteran shows that need to be put out to pasture, Old Yeller style.

The Simpsons

The longest running primetime show in history now has more subpar seasons under its belt than good ones, yet still generates obscene profits for Fox. So the only thing likely to get rid of Bart and company out of the lineup for good will be when Rupert Murdoch decides he'd rather funnel more money to the GOP than boost Nancy Cartwright's per episode paycheck during the next salary negotiation.


Nightline

It started as a nightly update to the Iran Hostage Crisis, then morphed into a news program offering greater insight to the issues of the day. Then Ted Koppel left, and now the best Martin Bashir and company can offer us is hit pieces on Juggalos and profiles of totally underexposed personalities like Adam Lamber and Justin Bieber. Time to say goodnight.


Dancing With the Stars

I used to play a game called Hollywood Stock Exchange. It's sort of a fantasy box office game where you buy or short stocks in movies and actors based on their box office potential. I had to quit playing because of my persistent inability to judge the taste of the American moviegoer. And if you'd asked me back in 2005 to bet on the likelihood that five years later this carnival of the grotesque would not only still be on the air, but one of ABC's top-rated shows, I'd still be getting my kneecaps broken by bookies.


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