Obama Attempting Again To Brainwash Schoolkids

Those poor, unsuspecting minds

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Remember the glorious fall of 2009, when the right-wing universe exploded in paranoid fear that President Obama was going to give a speech to schoolkids? Just like his Republican predecessors had?

Talk radio frothed, politicians shouted and school districts scrambled to appease parents who wanted their kids nowhere near the speech and parents who didn't want districts to buckle under to silly, ginned-up pressure.

And then Obama came on and delivered an utterly standard stay-in-school speech.

Well, the bastard is about to do it again. On TUESDAY, people, giving you only days to stop the propaganda!!

Let's examine what we learned from the brainwashing last year:

1. A year later, subtle changes can be sensed in the youngsters whose parents so carelessly let them listen to the speech. Instead of sports and girls, boys are talking about Chairman Mao -- until their parents walk in the room. Then it's all xBox and whatever the hell kids are talking about these days, or so they'd have you think.

2. Talk radio and Fox learned a lesson from their hilarious overreaction to last year's speech. Now, they take a deep breath and ask themselves when a new controversy comes up "Is this just Republican BS? Like that education speech, and death panels, and whatever else they throw up against the wall?" Then they run with it, of course, but still -- now they sometimes take a breath beforehand.

3. The piercing intelligence of members of the Oklahoma state legislature was conclusively proven. Oklahoma State Senator Steve Russell said this: "As far as I am concerned, this is not civics education -- it gives the appearance of creating a cult of personality. This is something you'd expect to see in North Korea or in Saddam Hussein's Iraq." Has any statement in all of human history proven to be more correct? Besides "Steve Russell is a hack," we mean.

4. Obama ducks all the hard issues. In the speech he gave to students, Obama failed completely to address such pressing, vital issues as the mosque being built near a strip joint in the general Lower Manhattan area; he did not demand that every brown-skinned third-grader produce a photo ID before getting in the cafeteria line; and he failed to declare that he would not take a vacation in the current economic downturn, or that he would not attend the Boy Scout Jamboree. It almost seemed as if all the gigantic issues of our time were avoided.

5. When Fox News learns of a scandal, it never gives up. Notice all the coverage about this year's upcoming speech?