Greg Abbott Goes After Google. Next: Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga

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Lady Gaga: Greg Abbott will get to the bottom of this, even if it means headlines
Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has gotten a lot of ink with his investigation into Google's search rankings.

Abbott usually spends his time on right-wing causes like fighting the Obama health-care plan or battling the feds' efforts to make Texas actually enforce clean-air laws. So why would he take on Google?

What possible benefit could he derive from tangling with a massive company with no real Texas connection, a company that annoys a lot of people?

We can't be sure. Cynics would say it was just a publicity grab, but look at some of the other hardcore investigations Abbott has on tap.

1. Justin Bieber: Is it just the hair?

Abbott's bulldogs are on the case: Is Justin Bieber tremndously popular just because of his shaggy hair, or is there some talent there, too? Investigators hope they can avoid a media circus when they call Bieber to Austin for questioning, but unfortunately can't make any promises.

2. Lindsay Lohan: Is she violating probation?
So called "experts" might start throwing around law-school words like "lack of jurisdiction" or other such twaddle, but Abbott knows that Texans are avid consumers of Linday Lohan news. So why not manufacture some?

3. Lady Gaga
We can't think of any burning questions regarding Lady Gaga. Maybe Greg Abbott can. That's his job, after all.

4. Why are late-night commercials so much louder than the shows?

Also, to further nail down the elderly vote, an investigation into kids, and how they get on lawns.

5. Reopening the JFK assassination
It did happen in Texas, right? (Or did it?) Abbott has a few theories he'd like to test out. If it results in headlines, well, that's just the price of being willing to take on the high-profile jobs.


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