Five Best Dallas Cowboys Arrests, Many Of Them Sexually Related

Categories: Football, Sports
lancerentzelbook.jpg
Lance Rentzel, with his pants on
It's Cowboys Week. Just like in Green Bay, where Bears Week is always noted on the calendar, the days leading up to Sunday's game at Reliant Stadium deserve a capital W.

Of course, we should be taking pity on the Cowboys. They are, after all, coached by Wade Phillips, GM'd by owner Jerry Jones, and are 0-2 despite their huge payroll (Maybe these things are connected.)

We'll be bringing the hype machine all week to what should be a very entertaining game. Today: The five best Dallas Cowboy arrests of all time.

5. Harvey Martin, 1996
Martin's crime -- domestic violence -- is certainly despicable. But what sets it apart from the run-of-the-mill domestic-violence cases is his disarming explanation for why he was beating up his girlfriend, and that was that he'd been smoking cocaine all night. What's a guy to do?
 
4. Michael Irvin, 1996
In the middle of the Crackboys Era, Michael Irvin set the bar high for his teammates. At his 30th birthday, he was in a hotel snorting cocaine with a bunch of hookers (but not his wife) because, you know, he was a Dallas Cowboy. Irvin then attended his mockery of a trial in a full-length mink coat, and went on to have several other arrests. He is in the Cowboys Ring of Honor, possibly for on-field reasons.

3. Dexter Clinkscale, 1998
Yeah, yeah: A Cowboy providing liquor to and molesting an 18-year-old. What's the big deal? In Clinkscale's case, it was with a dude. So major props for bringing something new to the game.

2. Rafael Septien, 1987
He had sex with a 10-year-old girl and only got probation for it. Even judges and juries can't be bothered to care about kickers. Or maybe Cowboy fans just are very understanding of their heroes' needs.

1. Lance Rentzel, 1970
Exposed himself to a 10-year-old girl in swanky University Park after exposing himself to a different young girl in Minnesota. Even worse: He titled his self-pitying book about it When All the Laughter Died in Sorrow.

Note: Cowboy fans are probably yelling "But what about Hollywood Henderson?!?!" Look, we can argue Cowboy arrests all day long and not exhaust the subject. Sure, smoking crack and having sex with two underage girls is notable, but Henderson said the sex was consensual, and by God and Tom Landry, we believe him.
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