Texan Duane Brown, Accidentally Taking Performance-Enhancing Drugs

Our Cowboys Week logo should have Duane Brown peeing in a cup

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Texans offensive tackle Duane Brown has been suspended for four games because of a positive test for performance-enhancing drugs.

His explanation? "I unknowingly took a supplement tainted with a banned substance and now have to deal with the consequences."

Texans fans might be relieved he didn't take the Brian Cushing "I was fighting tumors, dammit" route, but still....oh so lame.

Yes, we realize it's Cowboys Week and drug-taking seems like the thing to do, but come up with better excuses, dude.
The rest of his statement:

First off, I want to personally apologize to (owner Bob) Mr. McNair, coach (Gary) Kubiak and the rest of the coaching staff, my teammates, family and to all the great and loyal Texans fans. I take full responsibility for putting myself in this situation....After reviewing the appeal process and speaking with legal counsel, I have decided not to appeal my suspension. I understand the rules and accept my punishment. I vow to learn from this mistake and be a better player and teammate because of it.

First lesson to be learned: Don't mistakenly put things in your body.