Bond No. 9: A Perfume That Smells Like Texas. 10 Things It's Missing

Categories: Texas
Bond_No._9_Texas.jpg
Bond No. 9: Smells like Texas spirit
CultureMap, which gets all of the very finest press releases that plebes like us don't, has news on a new, exclusive Texas perfume about to go on sale at Saks Fifth Avenue.

Bond No. 9 (Motto: "Be mysterious, like our idiotic name") will have a limited Texas edition of 400 bottles, whose arrival will be celebrated by the state's first lady August 25. Because if there's anything a governor's wife should be celebrating in these economic times, it's a $360 bottle of toilet water.

Bond No. 9, we're told, will smell like Texas. And what does Texas smell like?

"Southwestern notes of warm vanilla, aromatic cardamom, East Indian vetiver and musk," we're told. But you probably knew that anyway.

Unless you live near Pasadena.

CultureMap's analysis detected notes of leather and "a hint of Shalimar." (Yeah, you can take the time to go google Shalimar. It's more than we can be bothered to do.)

Somehow we don't see this as fitting our version of what Texas smells like. Here are some fragrances we think any Texas perfume should include:

1. The whiff of the doctor's office where you go to get Botoxed before the latest charity fundraiser.

2. A hint of the pungent flop sweat that emanates from Tony Romo at clutch time.

3. That sweet aroma that hits Deer Park when the wind is blowing from the refineries.

4. Barbecue. Lots of smoky barbecue, the kind that lingers in your clothes for hours.

5. The most rare fragrance of all: the smell of Carlos Lee's sweat on those rare occasions he creates it.

6. The heady bouquet that comes from the exclusive French wines served at UT tailgaters.

7. And a whiff of the just-runny-enough Brie served there, too.

8. Drank. Szzyrup. Whatever they're calling it now, you need to have this.

9. Just a hint of Rick Perry's hairspray.

10. Bug spray. Just to make the stuff at least a little bit useful.
 
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3 comments
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Fragrance Enthusiast
Fragrance Enthusiast

This must be the most idiotic article I've ever read. Bond No. 9's motto is definitely not what it is quoted as. Could this possibly be more of a self motto for the writer of this article? Now, regarding the actual fragrance, there are some clarifications that must be made. First of all, this is an eau de parfum, not "toilet water." Secondly, the target clientele include perfumistas/fragrance connoisseurs who enjoy and appreciate classy fragrances, such as the iconic classic Guerlain Shalimar. And lastly, who in their right mind would pay any money for a fragrance that smells like what you suggest Texas smells like?!?! 

Bonnie Rosenblatt
Bonnie Rosenblatt

Where do you get off trashing Texas? WhetherYou agree or disagree with Bond's theory of scents or not, I didn't hear any trashing of NYC, and that city stinks!!! I believe the idea behindnaming scents after geographical locations ismetamorphic, but then again I'm just a dumb mid-westerner. Reading this reminds me yet onceagain why I choose to stay away from both coastsAnd as far as Bond's scents, I happen to like &enjoy several of them, as far as the controversy surrounding them, I say live & let live, most beautyco.'s have dirty laundry to hide.

Bryan Epps
Bryan Epps

I was born and raised in Dallas Texas, I am a true Texan. I bought a bottle, yea it was expensive but it smells good and I will use it. The bottle alone is worth it. I work hard and I can afford it. I'm sure people waste more money on things they don't need. I like Bond No 9. So fault me for that.

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