LeBron James: Five Reasons Why He Will Announce Tonight He's A Houston Rocket

Categories: Basketball, Sports
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Forget GQ -- You can be on the cover of the Houston Press
As our Game Time blogger Sean Pendergast has ably analyzed, tonight is the big night for LeBron James. Tonight -- on a primetime special devoted solely to the specialness of him and the sheer giganticnessof his decision -- he will announce which NBA team he will allow to pay him untold millions of dollars to not win championships.

Speculation is rife: Will he stay in Cleveland? (Before you start laughing, he was raised there.) Chicago? New York? Miami?

One place that hasn't been mentioned is Houston. And that's just how LeBron wants it. He's an under-the-radar, no-fuss kind of guy.

So don't be shocked when he announces tonight he's becoming a Rocket. Five reasons why he should:
1. We have a Children's Museum here. LeBron is not married, but he plays in the NBA, so we assume he has a half-dozen or so kids scattered around the country. In the offseason, while he's at home with the kids in Cinco Ranch -- well, let's be honest, kids can be a hassle. So what better way to distract them than with a Children's Museum? Or, possibly, get a nanny. That might be how NBA players roll, we don't know.

2. He can watch Houston Astro games. We're sure the Astros, or the Rockets, could set him up with good tickets. If not, the `Stros are offering plenty of good deals this summer. LeBron would only have to collect a Coca-Cola can or two, and he's got decent seats and a free hot dog. Sure, you would maybe get the chance to see Carlos Lee play whenever he came to New York, but why take a chance? Here you can see him almost every day. Believe us, we know.

3. Because Rockets GM Daryl Morey is a genius. So we're told. Constantly. So we have to assume he has something up his sleeve.

4. The China market beckons. The Rockets are the most popular team in China, which is a huge nation with a booming economy. We're not sure why this is; maybe they're all NASA fans out there. (It's not like anyone who's gone to a Rockets game recently sees any Chinese players on the court or anything.) So this is a big-time opportunity for LeBron, who no doubt needs the money.

5. The chance to play beside Chase Budinger.
No other team can make such an offer, at least not at the moment. But act fast!!
 

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