H2Orange: UT Gets In The Bottled-Water Business

H2Orange: Tastes like...arrogance

​If there is one thing this world doesn't have enough of, it's bottled water. The University of Texas is addressing that heartbreaking shortage by introducing H2Orange, which is water in a bottle shaped like the UT Tower.

Sales will go to fund scholarships school officials say.

"Our battle cry is 'Drink water. Bleed orange.™ Fund scholarships,'" one said at a press conference, and you know it's official because they made sure to put the trademark sign next to "Bleed Orange ."

What can you expect from your H2Orange?
1. A huge sense of entitlement.
Carrying around a bottle of H2Orange will enable you to feel superior to graduates of any other Texas college, for no immediately apparent reason.

2. SUVs will now be equipped with cupholders on the outside of the vehicle.
That way, people will know you're from UT. In case they missed the Texas Exes sticker, the vanity license plate, the longhorn medallion and the well-word bumper sticker from that one time you won the BCS title long ago.

3. The water will taste like any other water, but you will somehow convince yourself it tastes better.
Because it comes in a UT bottle!!

4. Arrested Longhorn players will now demand only H2Orange while they're waiting to make bond.
So that other kids can have scholarships, too.

5. Aggies will discover interesting things to do with H2Orange bottles.
We have no idea what that might be, or what bodily fluids might be involved, or animals, but we're sure they'll think of something.