Glee: Tonight At McKinley High School: Everyone Gets Laid

​It's fitting that the Madonna episode would feature not one, not two, but three cherry popping story arcs: Rachel deciding to give herself to Jesse, Finn submitting to Santana's years of experience, and Emma peeling off the cardigan for Will. That only one of the three actually went through with it is unimportant, because all anybody was really here for was the Madonna.

In a set-up that didn't feel remotely forced, Sue decreed to Principal Figgins that the Material Girl's music would henceforth be played at top volume throughout the school, the better for students to learn from her example. This applied to the Cheerios as well, who were put through the paces of a new routine set to "Ray of Light." Will ended up loving the idea so much he decided to subject New Directions to a Madonna theme as well. It seems the ladies of the glee club have been suffering at the hands of the men, and could use a little empowerment.

And who better to provide that example than a woman who once had herself photographed with her tongue up some dude's ass?

I kid. I kid because...well, I'm not sure why. Madonna is the most successful female artist of all time, after all, with a successful career spanning three decades (I might have personally preferred Pat Benatar Night, but "Love Is a Battlefield" was probably a deal breaker). I'm not going to question the wisdom of the show's creators, especially when there are bigger issues at hand. Namely, when the hell is Quinn going to start showing? Isn't she, like, in her fifth trimester?

[As an aside, I think we can all agree that Sex and the City 2, which was previewed during the show, is going to be so atrocious it'll make the original look like Lawrence of Arabia. How amusing that a movie celebrating the antics of a bunch of women obsessed with shoes and landing a man should air during Glee's "up with women" episode.]

But I digress. If following Madonna's example was the goal here, then Rachel and Emma failed miserably, because I'm pretty sure Madge would've banged the hell out of their respective guys. Finn did end up doing the deed with Santana, but was put off by how meaningless the experience ultimately was. I think I just figured out the theme of Lubbock ISD's next abstinence-only sex ed campaign.

As for musical numbers, there were two Cheerio routines -- the aforementioned "Ray of Light" and "4 Minutes", the latter featuring new members Kurt and Mercedes (chafing under Will's tyrannical tendency to give all the solos to the glee club's straight Caucasians); last week's sneaked Sue-centric "Vogue" video; and a few from New Directions ("Express Yourself," "Borderline/Open Your Heart." "Like a Prayer"), all of which took a backseat to the "Like A Virgin" montage, in which the aforementioned three couples engaged in a little synchronized pseduo-copulation for your prime time viewing pleasure.

And on behalf of everyone who watches the show on DVR, I'd like to thank American Idol for bleeding over into Glee's running time. Seeing Ryan Seacrest suck up to a weeping Crystal Bowersox sure made missing the last five minutes of the show worth it.

...seriously though, does Madonna have a new album coming out? Is she adopting another kid? Tributes are fine and all, but -- while her songs are iconic -- the whole episode felt like an infomercial, albeit one with better production values than that FlowBee one.