Now the iPhone Has a Non-Vegetarian Friendly Stylus

​For a moment, forget our northerly neighbors and their backyard games. Forget slush, forget fog, forget medals, forget that anything else matters but your life and your world ('cause what does, really?). In the face of the latest round of Arctic cold snaps mercilessly pummeling our little slice of heaven, business has set to swingin' in the good ol' sausage industry. Errr, in South Korea, that is. Sorry, this has nothing to do with Texas. We lied.

No, we don't mean pursuit of the game "Hide the Sausage" (although we're certain that's faring comparatively well, too). We mean the actual production of cleaned, uncooked ground meat encased in intestines. Oh, you didn't know that's what sausage is? Yes, that's what sausage is. Sorry to burst your banchan-lined bubble.

So again, if you're in the economical butchery business, by golly, it's time to re-up your creative marketing budget. Yeah, we're pointing a barbecue sauce-dipped finger at you now, Texas. In a retro move hearkening back to ye olden days of Palm Pilots, South Korean sausage sales have skyrocketed, all thanks to the colossal chill settling in the peninsulan air.

But no, not for warming Korean tummies, friends. For using Silicon Valley iPhones in Korea. Thanks to the widespread popularity of those Americafangled iPhones and iPod Touches by the country's cyber denizen citizens, Koreans are keeping the gloves on, yet still managing to poke, prod, and caress their way to email, Facebook, Twitter, Words with Friends, and other apps alike.

South Koreans (not to be confused with North Koreans, such as birthday boy Kim Jong-il) are purportedly stuffing their pockets with the individually-wrapped little wieners, allowing them to double as on-the-go snacks as well as handy dandy, electrostatically capacitative tools.

While teenage boys have known for years that phalanges can be replaced by appendages or organs to successfully simulate touch, we Texans should be ashamed that, in The Land 'o Dead Animals A-Plenty, we let Koreans beat us to the bratwurst on this one. Tsk tsk, Texas, tsk tsk. Add this one to the list of New Year's resolutions while there's still time.

There's no word yet as to whether the Jobsmcmuffin has made room for a sausage-inspired device in the current Apple product line. But if an apple the day keeps the doctor away, we could only speculate as to what happens when the apple is gratuitously stuck with a sausage, over and over and over again, over the course of a 24-hour period. We think it's a maneuver certainly worth exploring.