If Dallas Can Sponsor Their Landmark Implosions, So Can We

Categories: Spaced City

Hair Balls was excited to learn that Kraft Foods (specifically Kraft Macaroni & Cheese) is a frontrunner in the race to sponsor the implosion of Texas Stadium. Actually, we were first awestruck to learn about it, because we didn't think you could sponsor the destruction of buildings unless you lived in a cave in Tora Bora. It got us thinking about what companies could sponsor the demolition of certain Houston buildings. So bust out some mac 'n cheese and take a look at our list. Please send your ideas our way...

The Savoy Hotel implosion, brought to you by Chivas Regal

A few months ago, when the city ordered an emergency demolition of part of this eyesore, Hair Balls was crestfallen. It seemed like we were just one step closer to having to demolish the building bearing the Savoy name. The building is close to 100 years old, and it's a shame its owners haven't restored it, or sold it to someone who would. It was once a fine hotel, and therefore, in its honor, it should be blown up while spectators sip a rich, refined Scotch from Chivas Regal.

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The Days Inn/Holiday Inn/Floating-Maharishi Wingnut Building (aka Heaven on Earth Inn) implosion, brought to you by Boone's Farm

Unlike the stately Savoy, this maggot-infested cadaver of a building was lame from the get-go. It changed hands a few times before winding up in the hands of dudes who thought they could levitate and achieve universal harmony if everyone on the planet jumped in the air at the exact same moment. Seriously, that sounds like something you'd come up with after a few bottles of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

 

Minute Maid Park implosion, brought to you by Tropicana.

Self-explanatory.

 

The Exxon Building implosion, brought to you by Slim Jim

We have absolutely nothing against Exxon. We just tend to purchase the majority of our dried-meat goods (and scratch-off tickets) at gas stations, so this seems like a perfect match. Snap into an implosion!

 

Allen Center implosion, brought to you by Three Musketeers

There are three buildings in the Allen Center, there are three musketeers in Dumas's novel, and there is only one candy bar with the heavenly combination of chocolate and nougat. Never has pyrotechnic destruction tasted so sweet.


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