Pop Rocks: Long Live The BCS

​By the slimmest of margins, America was spared the unthinkable horror of seeing a (*shudder*) mid-major team contend for a national championship last Saturday. And if you don't think there were some urgent calls made from the executive office of the BCS to the replay booth in Jerry's World (Cowboys Stadium), I have a clock with one second left on it to sell you. The Texas Longhorns eked out a win vs. the vaunted Nebraska Cornhuskers, earning a spot in the National Championship game. Whether or not you think the officials were right in putting time back on the game clock (they were), or Texas will have its hands full against an actual offense (they will), the Big 12 Championship game provided fresh ammo to the growing legions of football fans clamoring for a playoff system.

If you read Dan Patrick's interview with BCS Director Bill Hancock in last week's Sports Illustrated (and exchange that can charitably be described as "delusional"), you know this isn't going to happen anytime soon. And you know what? I'm glad to hear it. A college football playoff is a horrible idea, and here's why:

5. What Else Are You Going to Watch?
All the "good" TV ends in December, meaning you need the St. Petersburg Bowl, unless you're looking forward that much to reruns of The Middle or the return of Dick Cheney's favorite reality program (24). College football has better drama than C.S.I. (Lane Kiffin vs. the rest of the SEC, for example), and better monsters than Lost (Nebraska's Ndamukong Suh).

4. Lots of Bowls Distract Us From the February Sports Hole
The second month of the year is the worst when it comes to sports, especially in the South. Baseball hasn't started yet, neither college nor pro basketball gets really interesting until March, and -- let's be honest -- nobody down here cares about the NHL. Cherish those three weeks of so-called "meaningless" bowl games in December and January, 'cause come February it's endless repeats of the 1992 World's Strongest Man contest.

3. Won't Someone Think of the Advertisers?
Maybe you believe padding a 60-minute football game out to three-and-a-half hours with ads for Levitra and shitty beer is excessive. You'd be wrong. We're a business-friendly society, dammit, so I better not hear any of you hippies refer to the Chick-Fil-A Bowl as the "Peach Bowl" in my presence. After all, it isn't like unfettered capitalism ever did us any harm.

2. What Else Would You People Bitch About?
This last weekend alone, message boards across the inter-tubes were choked with rage postings by TCU and Cornhusker fans "registering their discontent across the world." A fairly-structured, inclusive playoff system would render three whole months of whining about missed calls and the subsequent spring/summer bitching about a lost Cincy-Boise State NCG moot. does that sound fun to you?

1. It's Notre Dame's Last Chance for a Bowl
The biggest losers in a playoff system would be the Irish, who'd end up losing in the first round every year to Purdue.