Cheerleader Calendar Season Begins: Do's And Don'ts

Categories: Sports
If it's November, it must be time for professional sports teams to start pimping cheerleader calendars.

The Houston Texans cheerleaders are doing a promo tonight to launch sales of the 2010 calendar. The Texans calendars are not exactly known for their raciness, as befits the "good guy" philosophy of the team that has led to so many championships.

Here's a shot from last year's calendar:

calendartexansseats.jpg

A perfectly nice-looking woman. And, if you look real closely, you may discern a belly button.

There are many ways of putting together the cheerleader calendar; some succeed, some make you scratch your head. (As opposed, we guess, to scratching or touching other parts of yourself.)

Here's a sample -- with analysis, so it's just not blatant click-whoring.

calendarredskins2008shoot.jpg
This, according to www.redskinsrule.com, is from last year's Washington Redskins calendar shoot. In it, a woman gives herself a breast exam while flagellating herself for her sins, such as encouraging fans to believe in Jim Zorn as a head coach. She has a noticeable tan line where her top's missing, so you know she's basically a good girl. We kind of like the inclusion of the industrial-looking boats in the background, just to give a blue-collar feel to the enterprise. It was probably shot on the Baltimore docks.

calendardolphins.jpeg

That is one happy-looking dolphin. And, thanks to his side-array eyes, he's staring pretty meaningfully into this woman's crotch. "They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning / No one you see / Be more playah than he..." Teams we don't need to see adopt the literal use of their mascots: Green Bay Packers, San Diego Padres, Washington Redskins and the Toronto Raptors.

Calendarargonauts4434.jpg


You know, sometimes the eyeblack looks cute. And sometimes it just looks like the wake of a domestic-disturbance call. Especially if you're making a fist yourself. Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football League, learn this lesson, please.

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