Tom DeLay Will Be Wearing A Red Animal Print With Rhinestones Tonight, You'll Be Glad To Learn

You know you've always wanted to see Tom DeLay in red rhinestones. Tonight you get your chance.

Sure, in your dreams he would be wearing those rhinestones in a federal prison, but instead it's just Career Jail, otherwise known as Dancing With the Stars, on which he'll be sporting the fashion accessory.

A website called Politics Daily has the inside scoop, and it sounds....tragic, really.

For his dance, DeLay will perform the cha-cha to a fun song that was a hit in the '60s. To avoid spoiling the show on Monday, I'm not disclosing the song, but DeLay described the choreography -- which Burke created -- as the story of his college years. (If you are imagining air guitar and moves that might necessitate knee pads, you are on the right track.)

We have no idea, literally, what song they're talking about. There was also this nugget:
 

On Friday, DeLay saw their costumes for the first time and was a bit taken aback at the, um, lack of costume for Burke, as well as the over-the-top details on his. I hate to ruin the surprise of their first number on Monday, but the matching costumes have a red animal-print theme. OK, I'll also let slip that the producers decided Delay needs rhinestones on his costume: "Not a lot of 'em, but some to sparkle in the lights."

Oh, Tom. How far you have fallen from those carefree days when you could impeach a president over a blow job.

Also, big news: The Hammer is injured! He's hurt his foot, but he's so goshdarn manly that his dance partner can only tell when he winces slightly.

Dancing With the Stars, if you can stand it, will air live tonight on ABC at 7 p.m.