The World's Most Unfortunately Dressed Bank Robber

By Richard Connelly Thu., Sep. 3 2009 at 3:33 PM

Categories: Crime

The FBI has put out the alert for a new bank robber, one who knocked off a Memorial Drive Wachovia and a west-side Bank of America last week.

This is not just any bank robber, though. This dude has style. A very outdated, ridiculous style.

Photo courtesy FBI

The FBI is calling him the "Sweatin' to the Oldies" Robber, but their release on him seems to be missing key bits of information. In the interest of public service, we include some further items, none of which have been actually "checked" in any kind of journalistic way.

1. Somewhere a Devo cover band is missing a member. This guy especially revels in the "Whip It" number, just as the X kicks in.

2. Is Frank Black of the Pixies around? We know two things: 1) Black is working with Houston's Jason Nodler, of the Catastrophic Theater, on a new musical depicting the life of Dutch cult musician Herman Brood. 2) Musicals are fiendishly difficult to finance.

We are simply pointing out facts. You make your own conclusions. But you better have a lawyer on speed-dial, Black.

3. We know what this guy used to make his get-away. Especially since he sang about it himself:

4. Syd Barrett is not dead!! Pink Floyd fans, rejoice. You no longer have to wish he was here. That crazy diamond just went underground. And that can be expensive.

Photo courtesy wikipedia

5. Kraftwerk is making a comeback. And the fun, fun, fun of the autobahn don't come cheap. (Yeah, that may not be what they actually sang, but that's what we heard.