Oh, God: Now It's Our Teeth We Have To Be Self-Conscious About

​What is it with Houston and lists? Fattest city, most polluted city; even when it's a good thing, it's only something like being a cheap place to date. You know, we're guessing Des Moines, Iowa, is a cheap place to date, too. It's just that no one bothers to check.

Now it's our teeth.

Once again a website has entered into the world of science and devised a highly technical study to determine a heretofore unknown list of cities fitting a certain category. In this case the website is Total Beauty and  the category is Teeth Only the British Could Love. (That's what we're calling it, anyway.)

Houston is the only Texas city on the list of "The 14 Worst-Teeth Cities"; we come in eighth. (Hey, that's better than Bristol, Tennessee!!)
Says the site:

Houston residents drink more cola than anywhere else in the country. That plus their ranking of no. 49 in dental visits and no. 41 in dentists per capita doesn't bode well for healthy teeth. Their hard water can also contribute to stains and their ranking as no. 6 in fattest cities means their teeth and gums may be lacking in nutrients and circulation as well. If they want whiter teeth they'll need to put down the Coke can and pick up the phone to make an appointment with their dentist.

Oh yeah? Well...well...Why don't you go marry your white teeth if you love them so much, huh?

Gap-toothed Coke-slurping fatties....no wonder we're such a cheap date.