What Do You Get For The Couple Who Has Everything, Including A Crazy Stalker?

Categories: Crime, NASA
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Oh gosh, Lisa Nowak's not going to take this news well.

(That's Lisa "I was not wearing diapers" Nowak to you; one-third of the wackiest astronaut love triangle ever.)

The other two parts of that triangle are getting married.

Bill Oefelein, the NASA stud muffin who simply loves the ladies, is tying the knot with Colleen Shipman, the Air Force officers who had the pleasant talk with a coiffed and composed Nowak in an Orlando airport that fateful day. ("Coiffed and composed" meaning "Looking like Nick Nolte's mugshot.")

The two will wed in 2010, various media reports say.

What to get the happy couple? We have some ideas.

1) A BB gun. You never know when you might need one.
2) Duct tape. Has so many uses: Fixing things around the house, replacement upholstery in your `79 Vega, conversation aid when you're looking to have a rational discussion with a pal.

3. A steel mallet. Just in case you ever go to the Orlando airport. Apparently you need one there.

4) A DVD of Fatal Attraction. Knowledge is power.

5) A home very, very far away from Houston.
Oefelein and Shipman plan to live in Alaska. This may be good enough.
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