Brandon Backe Is A Free Man!! But He Still Can't Pitch, For Crying Out Loud

A Galveston County grand jury has refused to indict Houston Astros pitcher Brandon Backe on any charges stemming from what sounds like a fun wedding in the off-season that involved a brawl with cops. (As many good weddings do.)

The Houston Chronicle reports the decision came today.

Thirteen cops were disciplined for their part in the fight, which sounds impressive, until you learn that the violations they were cited for all included paperwork stuff.

The grand jury also apparently declined to indict Backe on charges of impersonating a major-league pitcher. You know it's bad when the official MLB page gets sarcastic, like it does here: "Brandon Backe is scheduled to complete what could possibly be the longest rehab assignment in history when he takes the mound for a seventh time in a Minor League game on May 23."

Hey, MLB.com: Don't fuck with Brandon Backe. Not unless you got a whole bunch of Galveston police wit' ya.