Getting Off On Fighting Crime

Categories: Spaced City
Before we get to the matter at hand, let us state for the record: Hair Balls is all for fighting breast cancer. And fighting crime.

But we don’t think that precludes us from pointing out a couple things about the Sabre Red we just received in the mail. First, the name: Sabre Red. What does that sound like to you? Something you could buy at the Adult Video Megaplexxx? Yeah, to us too.

Now, look at the photo above. What does it look like? Something that a lonely woman might pull out of her bedside table when she’s thinking about Brad Pitt? Shirt off? On a yacht? Oh, so gently…Where were we? Ah, yes. The Sabre Red. Yeah, it looks like a pink vibrator to us too.

It’s actually pepper spray that’s “Pretty & Pink and Ready to Fight Crime and Cancer.”

We know that pink is synonymous with fighting breast cancer, and again, that’s awesome. Also, criminals: must be sprayed. But does that mean women need to walk around with pink phalluses attached to their key chains?

Wait, Hair Balls just had a million-dollar idea: a vibrator that looks like pepper spray. We could call it the O On The Go®.

Cathy Matusow


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