College Presidents To Freshmen: Get Your Beer On!
Something called the Amethyst Institute, obviously named by a drunk 18-year-old, has gotten more than 100 college presidents -- including those from Duke, Ohio State, Dartmouth and Whittier -- to sign a statement calling for the drinking age to be lowered.
Because they want to get laid, and they all look like college presidents. No sorority sister is giving it up for a 55-year-old dude with glasses unless she's got six Natty Lights and some jaegermeister in her.
Actually, the presidents boringly contend, lowering the age would reduce binge drinking and contempt for a law that is routinely ignored.
In case you're wondering, no local presidents signed the document. The only Texan we could find was J. Patrick O’Brien of Texas A & M University-West Texas.
And with a name like J. Patrick O'Brien, of course you're gonna be endorsing drinking. Slainte!
-- Richard Connelly