Miss Pop Rocks: Tartlet Alert (a.k.a. The Last Britney Spears Blog Ever)
Let’s try Eenie Meenie Miny Moe…around and around where will she go…and the winner is…Who Gives a Shit?
Actually, the winner is Britney Spears. (I really did write their names on pieces of paper and pulled one out of a hat and Brit Brit was the winner. I mean, this is a pop culture blog after all, and I have to blog about something.)
Here’s the Britney round up. Apparently, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals recently sent a letter to Kevin Federline requesting that he try to gain custody of his ex-wife’s dogs in addition to the kids because Britney has a habit of taking the dogs to night clubs. Do you think she keeps the puppies on her lap as she snorts lines in the ladies room? Because that is actually kind of a hilarious scene in my mind.
Britney has also supposedly reunited (according to People), with her estranged mama, Lynne Spears. Because honestly, what better way to get your life back on track than to reconcile with the woman who allowed you to be exploited as a minor?
And finally, her new video to her new single “Gimme More” was released, showing a blond-headed Britney watching a black-headed Britney doing…guess what…a very complicated advanced calculus problem! Actually, she is doing a stripper dance. But I kind of just wanted to dream that for once Britney would actually push the envelope. Plus Britney doing advanced calculus would simply blow my mind.
(You know what else would blow my mind at this point? If she started wearing underwear.)
Miss Pop Rocks has been having a realization as she has been typing all this, and the realization is that I don’t know if I can write about Britney Spears anymore. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the antics, the drama, and the stripper dancing. I can’t stand it anymore, actually. So this is it. My last Britney Spears blog. I don’t care if the Press says I can’t write this blog anymore if I won’t cover Britney. I don’t care if Britney pulls an Angelina and a year from now she’s representin’ for the United Nations with her bevy of Benetton babies. I don’t care if it’s discovered that she was born Brian Spears and is still pre-op and the babies were actually born by surrogate. This is it. The last Britney Spears blog ever.
America deserves a break, and so do I. – Jennifer Mathieu