Magic iPod

iPod, iPod, on the table, will next year's Rockets be stable?
We know, we know, you're sick of reading trend pieces about iPods. We are too. But it remains true that the potential of these little gizmos remains largely untapped. For instance, we just thought of a new use for ours — as an oracular, all-knowing sage to be consulted on all matters of import great and small. Here's what I do. I set the iPod to shuffle. I ask it a question. I hit the shuffle button. And then I interpret the answer as I see fit. Yep, I now use my iPod the same way others consult Magic 8-Balls.Why should mass-produced black plastic orbs be deemed wiser and more clairvoyant than a high-tech gadget like an iPod? Anyway, here's what mine had to say about a few matters of general interest.

What kind of year can we expect from the Astros?
Song: "Fine and Mellow Baby," by Willie Nix
Outlook: Wildly optimistic. Look out '27 Yankees...

What are the Rockets chances looking like?
Song: "The End of the Innocence," by Don Henley.
Interpretation: Ominous. Remember the Lew Lloyd/Mitch Wiggins Rockets, the guys who used to go all Tony Montana between games? The Magic iPod says those days are coming back.

Will the Texans ever get it together?
Song: "Dallas," by Joe Ely
Interpretation: Hmmm. It could be saying that the Texans will soon be rivaling the Cowboys of yore, but we're thinking it wanted us to hear the bits about the Big D being the kind of place that "will walk on you when you are down" and also "a rich man who believes his own lies." In short, all signs point to no.

What is in Bill White's political future?
Song: "Shotgun," by Junior Walker and the All-Stars
Interpretation: Incredibly positive. This refers to Dick Cheney and not an attempt on Hizzoner's life. Expect Mayor White to be vice-president by 2012.

What's in store for this year's hurricane season?
Song: "Fireman Ring the Bell," R.L. Burnside
Interpretation: Holy Mother of God. Board up your windows and stock up on your canned goods, candles and batteries! Now!

What is to be done about Texas's horrendous high school dropout rate?
Song: "I'm About to Lose My Mind," T-Bone Walker
Interpretation: As a parent of two children, me too.

What's the best thing to do with the Astrodome?
Song: "61 Highway," Fred McDowell
Interpretation: Adios, Eighth Wonder.

What's the future of the war against terrorism?
Song: "Broke," Todd Snider
Interpretation: Looks like "the surge" ain't gonna cut it.

What is the meaning of life?
Song: "Wicked Game," Chris Isaak
Interpretation: As good a two-word explanation as any...

So there you have it. If you have any questions you'd like to ask my Magic iPod, post them below and I'll post the answers. -- John Nova Lomax

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