"No, This Entire Court Is Out of Order!"

Courtesy of Paramount Television

Judge Toler told you, biatch!

Okay, this is one of those rare occasions where UHF daytime programming is somewhat interesting: Today at 2 p.m., a Houston couple will stand before Divorce Court's Judge Lynn Toler.

The Houston couple is one Victoria Gray and Jason Gray. Victoria says she took care of husband Jason throughout their entire marriage. And how did Jason thank her, she claims? He cheated on her with an ex-girlfriend. (Cue Jerry Springer audience: "Oooohhhh...."

But wait -- Jason claims his ex-girlfriend "tricked" him into cheating. "(Springer audience: "Nuh-uuuuuhhhh...") He also says that he tried to leave his ex-girlfriend, but she begged him to stay. And he says that trusting wife Victoria would actually follow him to catch him with other women.

(Y'know, this makes me nostalgic for the mid-'90s Springer days, where, in such a case, a male audience member would no doubt get up and challenge Victoria to "dump that zero and get with this hero.")

Wonder how the Honorable Judge Toler will rule. Our sister paper, Cleveland Scene, has a short profile on her, offering up sassy courtroom remarks such as:

"You listen here. You said your wedding was ruined, but the only way your wedding could truly be ruined is if your man don't show."

Hear that ladies? Quit yer bitchin'!

Will Victoria be, um, victorious? Is Jason just the victim of adulterous trickery? (Announcer voice) "Tune into KRIV Fox 26 at 2 p.m. and find out." — Steven Devadanam