Football U: Pigskin for Turkeys
Longhorn fans, no matter how pitiful your season has been — and you know it's bad when you have to beat A&M just to insure you get to play a powerhouse like Boise State — it could be worse. You could be taking orders from Mattress Mac.
Mac donated $1 million to the athletic department of his alma mater (or what would have been his alma mater if he had actually graduated), the University of North Texas in Denton. You donate a million bucks to the Longhorns' athletic department, you might get a concession stand named after you, or maybe one of the weight machines. A million bucks at North Texas goes a lot farther.
Unfortunately for Mac, shortly after he donated the bucks UNT fired football coach Darrell Dickey. This so incensed Mac that he ordered the university to direct his money to the music department (that'll show 'em) unless they named the football practice fields in honor of the just-fired coach. (The just-fired coach with the unfortunate name of Dickey.)
UNT caved immediately, and is now the proud home of the Dickey Practice Facility. We can only hope no sixth-grade teams from Denton ISD ever have to use it, or team discipline will be forever shattered.
Dickey, by the way, went out with a bang — for his last game he purchased cheap, black jerseys with no UNT logo for his team to wear. Class.
Some interesting games are on tap this Thanksgiving weekend:
Texas - Texas A&M: We can only hope the Longhorns aren't looking past the Aggies, but when you have a historic opportunity to face tradition-rich Boise State, you tend to get stars in your eyes. Coach Mack Brown will do his best to keep his players concentration focused, even as they battle the noxious fumes coming from the moldering carcass of Dennis Franchione's coaching career. Texas 45-17.
Notre Dame - USC: Trojan players are still reeling from the emotional shock that came when they learned their most celebrated alumnus, OJ Simpson, was to be denied his God-given right to earn money off stabbing to death two people. Coach Pete Carroll tried to get noted clown artist John Wayne Gacy in to speak to the team about the issue, but was disappointed to learn Gacy had been executed 12 years earlier. Notre Dame 34-31.
LSU - Arkansas: Arkansas, whose jerseys sport the player's name on the back, has a roster which includes Will Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick. Two student trainers are assigned each game to do nothing else but make sure those three people never stand next to each other on the sideline, lest this farked photo above comes true. The Razorbacks are everybody's trendy pick now, but we still believe in the cold cous cous. LSU 17-14.
Georgia Tech - Georgia: Georgia Tech is ranked 15th in the country and Georgia is not ranked at all. That cannot be a very pleasant circumstance for UGA fans. Which means it's a pretty pleasant circumstance for the rest of us. We're guessing Tech coach Chan Gailey finds a way to lose this one, though. Georgia 21-17.
Florida - Florida State: Things are so bad at FSU that head coach Bobby Bowden had to fire his son, who had been his (woeful) offensive coordinator. That's not as cold as it sounds, though: any son of the ancient Bowden is no doubt nearing retirement age anyway. As sometimes happens with college football match-ups, there is no one worth cheering for here. Just sit back and enjoy the athletic ability of players who couldn't find the classroom with a map. Florida 26-10.