HouStoned Theatre Presents...

This one definitely calls for the orange lights.

And now HouStoned Theatre presents a Jorge Luis Borges-inspired conversation between Keith Plocek, staff writer for the Houston Press, and Keith Plocek, student at the University of Texas at Austin, circa 1998.

Old Keith: So did you hear about the news?

Young Keith: Whoa. How'd you get here, man?

OK: I thumped myself on the back.

YK: Crazy. So which one is the real me? I mean, who am I really? Who is anyone?

OK: Slow down, buddy. I'm here to talk about the news. Apparently UT-Austin was voted the best party school in the nation in a Princeton Review survey of 115,000 students.

YK: But how can it be news if it hasn't even happened yet?

OK: Look, I know there's nothing I can do to stop you, but I'm gonna say it anyway: That philosophy degree you're so pysched about? Total waste of time.

YK: You don't know me, man.

OK: Um, right. So what's it like to attend the best party school in the nation?

YK: It's all right, I guess. I mean, it's totally easy to score booze, not to mention other substances. You ever been to Eeyore's Birthday, man? It's a total trip.

OK: Are you even paying attention to what's going on here?

YK: Don't be such a buzz-kill, man.

OK: Okay, back to the question: How's it feel to attend the number one party school in the nation?

YK: I don't know what you mean.

OK: Are you high?

YK: Now who's the one not paying attention?

OK: Oh, stupid question, I guess. Anyway, so what's it like? Are there parties everywhere?

YK: It's beautiful, man. Look at all the pretty colors. I feel one with the universe. I can see sounds.

OK: Um, okay... I guess this wasn't such a good idea after all. I mean, you're not even making sense.

YK: You don't know me, man.

OK: There you go again. That must be my cue to exit. But one more thing before I leave: After you graduate and go backpacking through Central America, be sure to keep your dad's camera locked up. That's all I'm saying.

YK: Peace, dude.

OK: Later.

-- Keith Plocek