Houston News Blog

Courtesy of Playboy

Sorry, Amanda just wants to be MySpace friends...

The final hours of August are waning, and thus Playboy will have a new Cyber Girl.

That's newsworthy because this month's Cyber Girl is none other than Amanda Duncan, who hails from Conroe. According to Playboy.com, "the blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty first appeared as a Cyber Girl of the Week in April 2006. As the August Cyber Girl of the Month, Amanda appears in four enticing new pictorials, as well as, two behind-the-scenes videos and three exclusive video features." Amanda has also appeared in several Playboy Special Edition issues.

Potential suitors, listen up: Amanda currently attends beauty school and plans to own her own salon some day. (Wonder how many "Visible Changes in my pants" jokes she'll field from male clients.) But you're looking to hook up, you better axe her in person.

Surfing the site strictly for research (hear that, HouStoned IT Guy? Research. You know what you can do with your web report), I happened upon one of Amanda's "exclusive video features." In it, the blonde Amanda is asked a question of the week. This week's query:

Is picking up someone on MySpace cool or is it nerdy and weird?

Well, Amanda?

"It's weird and lame at the same time," she says, as it cuts from a close-up profile shot to full shot of her in pink bra, "because if you can't get a girl outside MySpace, you have no chance." She then manages a tense smile.

Dangit! And I was all set to ask her out, too. I mean, she seems so real...— Steven Devadanam

HouStoned Images, Ltd. Unlmtd.

Caulk and tape? Now that's savings!

Who says Reliant Energy isn't helpful? Oh, wait, lots of people, especially this guy. Sorry...

But hey, wait! As you may have heard, Reliant Energy has started offering "Energy Savings Kits" to customers who apply for electric bill assistance. These newfangled kits are also being sent to social services agencies in greater Houston.

I actually received a package from Reliant at the office the other day. Relieved to finally get one that wasn't ticking, I opened and found — ah! — an Energy Savings Kit. Were they looking for publicity, or had they just been reading up on journalism salaries?

No telling, but I had to dig in. It was like Christmas (or at very least, Groundhog Day)! The starter kit boasts a new "fluorescent light bulb that saves individuals a ton of money; approximately $40 is the average savings per bill," says the info. The kit also includes caulking paste, window tape (insulation) and tips for saving energy — in English and Spanish. Bilingual! And, the box is cardboard, so I can recycle it and save the earth. Let's see the tree huggers at Green Mountain Energy come up with that!

The kits are available to seniors, homeowners and renters. As someone who lives in a home and enjoys energy, I'm giddy. Now, when faced with a $762 a/c bill in February, I can simply open my kit, slap some window tape on my broken windows and caulk my...um, things that need caulking. And I'll sleep better (outside, because it's cooler) knowing that the sole light bulb in my home that I use to read — and cook — with is saving me two Jacksons a year.

So rejoice, energy suckers. Hope has arrived, and it's in a brown box marked "Reliant." It'll be right next to your disconnection notice for service that you didn't order for an address you haven't lived at for a year. — Steven Devadanam

Beer and Bob, anyone?

Most of you make your happy hour plans before lunch. But if you're scrambling for a place to make a drunken fool of yourself relax after work, you might try Pub Fiction (2303 Smith, 713-400-8400).

Yep, the Midtown watering hole is the site of the good ol' Houston Press Concert Series. This week, Austin crooner/handsome devil Bob Schneider takes the stage round 10 p.m. for a free concert. All you have to do is show up early, hang and work through your first two sets of pickup lines. Doors open at 5 p.m. The next show on September 27 features Mike Eli (Eli Young Band) and Deryl Dodd.

I'd totally go, but I don't think Schneider cares for me much, not after our last run-in. (Scroll down to Been There, Done That.)

I wish him well, tho. And I certainly admire his beard. The guy clearly is the exception to the clean shaven/more sex rule. — Steven Devadanam

"Today we're going to talk about creative deductions..."

You gotta wonder how many students at TSU are doing a double-take at their class schedules:

ACCOUNTING — INSTRUCTOR: SLADE

Yeah, Priscilla Slade. The same P. Slade who, with three of her aides, was ousted for (allegedly) spending school money on personal expenses, is teaching accounting classes at the university.

Seems Slade has tenure, and a little bad PR hasn't deterred her from returning to the classroom. She told the media that she's enjoying her return to teaching. We can only imagine the syllabus: "How to Make a $340,000 per Year Salary Work for You." Who wouldn't sign up for that?

Maybe number cruncher Andy Fastow could be inspired to teach a hybrid accounting/music class, too. And why stop there? How about having Jordy Tollett head up a time management course?

Anyhoo, we can't wait to see what our favorite s***-talkers at Call of Da Wild have to say about this one. — Steven Devadanam

Big-hearted Hil is helping out in N.O.

Today's TV coverage of the one-year anniversary of Katrina ranged from gushing (GMA's Robin Roberts waxing poetic about her hometown) to downright refreshing (the "glib" Matt Lauer tearing ex-FEMA head Mike Brown a new one for his Katrina fumbling on Today.) Brown actually admitted that at times, he wishes he never took the job. Ya think?)

However, it's a little surprising to not get a celeb bulleting about H-town's Hilary Duff and her visit to New Orleans. Duff is in Nawlins today to "provide inspirational words, food and comfort to the many victims of the storm," according to her peeps. I called her people in L.A., who say they haven't heard how things have gone for Hil. She was to make morning announcements, pass out water and hang out with the kids at Nelson Charter School. Also on her itinerary was a trip to Edna Karr High School, where she was invited to speak about positive role models on a "positive behavior day" the school has planned. She was also going to sign autographs. We're waiting to hear back from Hil's folks, who should give us an update (unless they've Googled our coverage of her).

And it's impossible to talk Katrina and media today without mentioning Spike Lee's HBO documentary When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts . (The four-parter airs in its entirety tonight.) It's been interesting to watch the chatter in the blogosphere about Requiem, most interesting that people seem to be surprised that Lee chose to focus on race. Isn't that like being surprised at Quentin Tarantino focusing on Hong-Kong-cinema-styled gunplay in one of his flicks? What else would Lee focus on?

The best reading comes from Lone Star Times, where one poster recently called "Carpetbagger" Lee's movie a "blackumentary." Clever! Also:

We're supposed to ignore the crazed, conspiracist crap because Spike Lee films some touching, heartfelt scenes? Cry me a river. It's like saying we should ignore the terrible plot of Van Helsing because it had some pretty cool special effects. It's impossible to ignore Lee's tendency to engage in race-baiting, and believing that doesn't make me an enemy of New Orleans.

Spike Lee made a horrible, biased documentary. That's the story here. Let's leave it at that.

Okay, you just crossed the line, pal. Van Helsing was a damn fine flick. -- Steven Devadanam

Gibson.com

So, Houston ladies, you're saying this ain't sexy?

H-town has been making all kindsa' lists lately. And now it seems that damn, we're smoove.

Proving that in America, anyone can start an organization about anything, we have word from the National Organization of Social Crusaders Repulsed by Unshaven Faces — NoScruf, see what they did there? — that H-town is smoothest town in the U.S.A. (What, they couldn't make an "Unshaved States of America" riff, too?). You're not going to believe this, but the NoScruf group claims to be "supported by" Gillette.

According to what is clearly a very scientific survey conducted earlier this year, the typical Houston dude shaves an average of 4.81 times a week, more frequently than guys in any other city surveyed. The report also drops this whopper:

"In addition, Houston guys were the happiest with the amount of sex that they are currently experiencing. Could there be a connection between being clean-shaven and sexually satisfied?"

Gee, could there be? Could this guy be getting laid more often than this guy? Shocking!

So how smooth is the rest of the nation? The results:

SMOOTHEST
1. Houston - 4.81 times/week
2. Indianapolis - 4.68 times/week
3. Fort Worth - 4.65 times/week
4. St. Paul - 4.64 times/week
5. Portland - 4.52 times/week

SCRUFFIEST
1. Baltimore - 3.65 times/week
2. St. Louis - 3.95 times/week
3. Seattle/Tacoma - 4.02 times/week
4. New York - 4.04 times/week
5. Washington, D.C. - 4.12 times/week

The NoScruf report offers up some "By the Numbers" items, too. Consider:

Funny, we thought she was the longest beard ever. Whatev.

So there you have it. Congrats, H-town dudes, on your excellent grooming and, apparently, your excellent sex life. As a bearded man, I can actually boast more action since growing my facial hair.

Of course, I have a very specific fan base. — Steven Devadanam

Miss us yesterday? We missed you. We're back, and playing catch up today. Thanks to IT Guy for resurrecting our state-of-the-art technology.

The Management

Ah, lovely technical difficulties...

Thanks to those of you who've offered up your "WTF?" e-mails. It's not that we're slacking, it's just that there's a snag in our state-of-the-art technology. We'll be back in full force soon, sez our intrepid IT guy...

Thank you,

The Management

How about "Keep Houston Screwed"?

So by now everybody knows about the state capital city's "Keep Austin Weird" T-shirt, bumper sticker and Internet campaign, wherein our neighbors maintain that Austin is still as strange as they seem to think it is.

What you might not know is that all the other cities in Texas have similar drives. Dallas and its hyperabundance of 30k millionaires is home to the "Keep Dallas Pretentious" crusade, while laid-back, resolutely unstylish San Antonio marches under the "Keep San Antonio Lame" banner.

So far, our fair city has trailed the pack. Yeah, we have the "Houston. It's Worth It" deal, but times like these demand we keep up with the pace. So what should we "keep" Houston?

Here's a couple of ideas:

You get the picture. Beat one of those and I'll send you a free CD of H-Town music from my personal collection. — John Nova Lomax

Why wouldn't you name a park after this guy?

With his usual style, aplomb and right-on-the-moneyness, mysterious local blogger Slampo — the Mike Royko of the local blogosphere -- has taken up yet another pressing issue: The City Hall-sponsored contest to name a new downtown park.

"We're sure the winning entry will reflect the cosmopolitan character of the city," he writes, "say, something urbane and sophisticated like World Class Centre." Or something else equally highfalutin' and developer-friendly like The Glades at Old Chinatown, we might add. (The park will be situated near the George R. Brown Convention Center.)

Slampo has a better idea — name the sucker after Lightnin' Hopkins. After all, as Slampo notes:

"A park is for relaxation and recreation, two of the enduring themes of Hopkins' prodigious recording career, whether he was singing about throwing dice or watching the ponies run or getting drunk last night and the night before or traveling to Louisiana to acquire a mojo hand that would mess up a woman's mind."

Not to mention the fact that he engaged in a few of those activities mere blocks away from this park's site on Dowling Street, that once-hopping, now-moribund ghettodelic strip he once called "a nice place to get an education." Just as this park would be a nice place for our city's residents to get an education about Lightnin'.

Once that's done, we'll start agitating for a South Side park named for DJ Screw, but first things first. — John Nova Lomax

Daniel Kramer

Seems like yesterday that young Haf was crashing local prom parties...

Journalistic powerhouse USA Today has an interesting story today about the young people. Seems TV's Judy Woodruff and a team from MacNeil/Lehrer Productions are traveling the country, hoping to speak to and learn something about this "millennial generation" that we keep seeing everywhere. (Wait -- is this the generation of folks who hang at coffeehouses, dive bars and on TRL?) The teams are shooting 100 hours of footage to be used in an upcoming PBS documentary on "Generation Next."

The USA Today piece also tells of two groups of young'uns, one from Texas and one from the Northeast, who've also traveled our fair nation and documented similar footage. The two groups are compiling, editing and producing pieces that they hope to shop to film fests, including biggies such as Sundance and South By Southwest.

There's a standout quote in this story, from one Ray Hafner of Virginia, who's part of the Texas filmmaking team:

"Older people don't really get this generation."

What's to get? You kids with your rock and/or roll, bed head and text messaging. Kids like Hafner should get a job.

Oh, wait, he has. Hafner's a law student at University of Virginia. You may recognize his name from such stories as this, or even this. The former Press contributor/smarmy tall guy teamed up with his buddy Derek Franzese and traveled 11,112 miles last summer in a 2001 white Isuzu Rodeo. (We would've gone with a white Ford Bronco, but whatev.)

The duo shot 44 hours of digital video footage, interviewing many young people found through websites such as Facebook. (And here we thought Ray was just cyber-stalking.) They're already over their budgeted $20,000 production costs. To pay for the project, Hafner ran up his credit card, and Franzese, 23, used graduation money, savings and a little help from his grandfather. Franzese, a 2005 grad of UT's RTF department, is now editing the 90-minute documentary. (Meanwhile, we're guessing, Ray is working on his "Hi, I'm a law student" pickup lines.)

The project is called Now Entering (um...) because, according to Hafner, this generation is coming of age and now entering the world. (Ray, you're killing us here.)

He also notes that he found an "overriding optimism" in his peers. Well, duh, that's because they're all listening to this guy.

We wish Hafner and Franzese the best of luck. Could they be the next Damon/Affleck? There's no telling, though Hafner's journalistic and legal background could have him poised to be the next Dan Abrams. Anyhoo, you can read more about the Northeast team and the PBS project in the story, a story which includes this quote from Woodruff about Gen Next:

"This is a more thoughtful and a more focused generation than I think they are given credit for by their elders."

Okay, clearly this lady didn't meet Ray. — Steven Devadanam

Todd Spivak

These hogs weren't harmed in the story -- just fattened up for the rodeo.

Todd Spivak may be back from horsing around for his hog story, but his heart's still in rural Texas.

It was my first time on a horse.

We rode for eight hours, till five in the morning. Needless to say, it wasn't pretty. A digital camera stuffed into my shirt pocket, a spiral notebook tucked into the ass of my jeans, I spent the first couple hours trying to snap pix and scribble notes while juggling reins and a flashlight, getting smacked in the face with thorny tree branches and trying like hell not to fall off or rupture myself.

After a while, I gave up my reporting duties and just tried to enjoy the ride.

And I did.

See, I grew up in Pittsburgh. Been traveling this country since I flew the coop at 17, and every place I've lived was just as I imagined it as a kid filled with wanderlust.

New York City: blinking lights, stinking rivers, impossibly beautiful women.
Vermont: brilliant foliage, bucolic pastures, sheep and cows.
Chicago: seedy dive bars, stunning architecture, a large, moody lake.

And then there's Houston. It's easy to forget this city of highways, strip malls and cookie-cutter development is really in Texas. It ain't the Texas I imagined, anyway.

Even trips to Austin, Beaumont, Galveston and San Antonio have fallen short of my expectations. That is, until I sat atop that horse, under a night sky that stretched on forever, trailing behind men armed with long knives fixin' to kill themselves a wild hog.

A few weeks earlier I had attended my first hog-dog rodeo in East Texas. I figured the organizers wouldn't take too kindly to a reporter, so I went in undercover. Turned out, my hunch was right.

A lady caught me scribbling notes in my car. As I walked back to the pen I found myself surrounded by eight scowling men, arms crossed and resting on their giant guts. You'd think they would have spied me earlier. After all, I was the only person there not driving a pickup truck. My little Chrysler four-door has Pennsylvania plates.

They returned my $5 entrance fee and pointed me back to the country road that led to the highway.

Not to sound like an after-school special, but researching this story has been a big learning experience. Beyond riding horses, I also discovered that because of loopholes in the state's animal cruelty laws, it is perfectly legal to set a stray cat on fire or to tie a stray dog to the back of a truck and drag it for miles.

That's fucked up, right?

Of course, some folks would say wrestling a feral hog to the ground and stabbing it in the heart is no good, either.

Hell, my gal, who grew up outside Dallas, uses a magazine and an ice cream bowl to trap insects in our house and set them free. I help when she asks. Left to my own devices, I flatten 'em with the bottom of a flip-flop and scrape 'em into a trash can.

Sure, I walked a little funny for a couple days after the hog hunt. But the longer I sit in this downtown office, buses and cars whirring by, the more I long for rural Texas, where men ride horses till dawn and gut hogs along the way.

That's the Texas I love. The one I imagined as a boy. -- Todd Spivak

The dogs are still for sale. But to whom?

Yet another update to this seemingly unending story of the 320 pit bulls in Liberty County.

Courtney Frank of the Houston Humane Society says her offices have been fielding angry calls and e-mails about the fate of the pit bulls after the judge's recent decision. "The judge's ruling that the puppies be auctioned off is an unusual one for both Liberty County and for the Houston Humane Society, as that decision is usually reserved for livestock," Franks says. "Nothing can be done until after Monday, August 28, when the widow can appeal the auction of the puppies."

The disposal (there's no other way to put it, really) of the adult pit bulls started this weekend. "The vast majority of adults have been put down already," says Frank.

That leaves the pups, whose fate is up in the air. Frank says people have been questioning the HHS, wondering what the institution is doing to protect the surviving puppies from being auctioned off to unscrupulous people who would exploit them, fight them or simply show them off and otherwise mistreat them. At issue especially is the fact the HHS hasn't spayed or neutered the animals (which would deter purchasers from purchasing them solely for breeding purposes).

"The Houston Humane Society is opposed to pet auctions, and we always spay and neuter animals up for adoption in our care," she says. "As such, we're working with Liberty County officials to discuss possible alternatives for re-homing the puppies. If we absolutely have to auction them off, we'll do what can to make sure they go to good and loving pet owners. If someone is an expert on animal auctions or pit bulls, we invite them to send that information to us." -- Steven Devadanam

Photos by Robb Walsh

Taqueria Tacambaro behind the Farmers Market on Airline.

Houston artist and French-born gourmet Bernard Brunon was so impressed by the tripe and sweetbreads at Taqueria Tacambaro, the taco truck behind Caninos Produce on Airline, that he went back a few days later. He called me in horror from the parking lot:

The taco truck had disappeared!

I told him that taco trucks routinely return to home base to get cleaned and restocked. But I was a little nervous since those tripe and sweetbreads tacos are the subject of this week's review.

Bernard Brunon is one happy Frenchman when he gets his tripe tacos.

So I stopped by earlier this week just to make sure that the Taqueria Tacambaro truck (it's actually a trailer once the pickup truck leaves) had reappeared. It had.

And now we can all slurp down those lovely tripe tacos again. -- Robb Walsh

Will Mayor Bill ever give the president the time of day?

From our pals at bloghouston, a gem from a memorable Houston City Council meeting's public session.

Seems City Council was visited by the president. Quoth el presidente:

"City Council Chambers, I am president Joseph Charles of royalty. I'm also the actual official president -- that is of the U.S. -- and I'm being conspired against..."

Prez Charles also said he's a "Harris County volunteer..." and that he's "been here repeatedly for to get emergency protection provided." He noted that he came to get the attention mayor Bill White, namely to get "cash funds released" in the amount of "thirty-nine million, three...seven...five."

KTRK/Houston Indymedia

Senator Horton has been known to throw down in Council.

Just when things start getting really good, *ding* the bell cuts him off. But wait, there's more: Senator Robert Horton, who, brandishing a world map, sez:

"Now look here, I'm the wealthiest, most powerful around the world. I'm over all these countries and all these flags here..."

He also talked fiscal issues, defending his expenditures: "I'm spending billionses -- I make so many mal-innion, or quas-illions, or zillions per second...I make money in every time zone."

Watch for yourself, and see if you're not inspired to address City Council. (Hmm, howsabout "Duke of HouStoned?") -- Steven Devadanam

This one definitely calls for the orange lights.

And now HouStoned Theatre presents a Jorge Luis Borges-inspired conversation between Keith Plocek, staff writer for the Houston Press, and Keith Plocek, student at the University of Texas at Austin, circa 1998.

Old Keith: So did you hear about the news?

Young Keith: Whoa. How'd you get here, man?

OK: I thumped myself on the back.

YK: Crazy. So which one is the real me? I mean, who am I really? Who is anyone?

OK: Slow down, buddy. I'm here to talk about the news. Apparently UT-Austin was voted the best party school in the nation in a Princeton Review survey of 115,000 students.

YK: But how can it be news if it hasn't even happened yet?

OK: Look, I know there's nothing I can do to stop you, but I'm gonna say it anyway: That philosophy degree you're so pysched about? Total waste of time.

YK: You don't know me, man.

OK: Um, right. So what's it like to attend the best party school in the nation?

YK: It's all right, I guess. I mean, it's totally easy to score booze, not to mention other substances. You ever been to Eeyore's Birthday, man? It's a total trip.

OK: Are you even paying attention to what's going on here?

YK: Don't be such a buzz-kill, man.

OK: Okay, back to the question: How's it feel to attend the number one party school in the nation?

YK: I don't know what you mean.

OK: Are you high?

YK: Now who's the one not paying attention?

OK: Oh, stupid question, I guess. Anyway, so what's it like? Are there parties everywhere?

YK: It's beautiful, man. Look at all the pretty colors. I feel one with the universe. I can see sounds.

OK: Um, okay... I guess this wasn't such a good idea after all. I mean, you're not even making sense.

YK: You don't know me, man.

OK: There you go again. That must be my cue to exit. But one more thing before I leave: After you graduate and go backpacking through Central America, be sure to keep your dad's camera locked up. That's all I'm saying.

YK: Peace, dude.

OK: Later.

-- Keith Plocek

You don't need a kung-fu grip to crack that whip.

We're through being cool
Eliminate the ninnies and the twits
Going to bang some heads
Going to beat some butts
Time to show those evil spuds what's what
- Devo, "Through Being Cool"

One of the most unfortunate misconceptions about the influx of bands today is that it increases the probability of seeing an amazing live show — it doesn't. In fact, I would bet there is probably less of a chance of seeing a combination of great music and the stage presence to sell it. More often then not, you have to settle for one or the other. The more talented bands just want to get on stage and play and leave, maybe a few jumps here and there, but they take themselves too seriously to come out on stage in yellow jumpsuits and energy domes or do anything that might put into question the "sanctity" of their art.

So I guess it's a good thing the members of Devo have never taken themselves seriously.

From the moment concertgoers walked into the Reliant Arena Saturday night, they knew they were at a Devo show. Many fans were walking around adorned with energy domes purchased at the merch table. What else was for sale? Action figures, yes, action figures, complete with a set of interchangeable heads, an energy dome and a whip. If that wasn't enough to convince attendees that this show would be like no other, then the show itself settled the argument.

The guys ran on stage in full "Whip It" gear which they eventually tore off to reveal their second costumes: men's volleyball uniforms — knee pads and all. They played all the greatest hits and misses with plenty of cheesy synchronized dance moves and a finale that was off the wall — literally. Lead singer Mark Mothersbaugh threw hundreds of bouncy balls into the audience for one of the cheapest yet coolest stage effects I have ever seen.

There was no fire, lasers or dancers, just the men (I mean "not men") of Devo, their music and some props that you could easily find at a costume shop. They proved that being in your 50s in no reason to stop the show and that all you need to upstage your impersonators is what attracted their attention in the first place — a genius gimmick. -- Dusti Rhodes

"Ssssave me a sssseat. (Ssssorry, couldn't help it.)"

Not sure if you've heard, but there's a movie called Snakes on a Plane that stars Samuel L. Jackson. It opened this week. It's quite popular.

So popular, in fact, that the folks at Alamo Drafthouse Cinema are planning a little tie-in (media term) for tonight: Snakes in a Theater. (Insert horror movie female shriek here)

Tonight, starting at 5:30 p.m. snake handlers from the Houston Zoo will be on hand at the Drafthouse Mason Road location, introducing passers-by and moviegoers to real live snakes. Don't sweat it if you can't make it tonight; there'll be a similar event going on at Alamo's West Oaks location tomorrow evening.

"You don't have to see Snakes on a Plane to see the snakes," says Papa Josh, who adds that the first person to come in and hiss like a snake gets a free poster. Seriously.

He also says he has no idea what kind of snakes will show up today and tomorrow, but assures us that they'll be there.

No idea? WTF? And what happens if one of the "muthaf***** snakes!" is a ruthless killer bent on taking over the theater and devouring moviegoers like mice? Will Josh pull a Sam J? Is there a Killer Snake Contingency Plan?

"Uh, we have some snake safety posters from the studio," says Josh.

Um, we see where this is going... — Steven Devadanam

Celebrate Ashton this weekend

Sure we love the photos of the day and the recipe for Chess Pie. But we think our buddies at Houstonist are especially cool for hyping the upcoming memorial concert for Ashton Glover, the Sugar Land teen who was murdered in July. The event, which features 10 Texas bands (including lead act Sevrin) will raise funds for a permanent Glover memorial at Clements High School. Check out the live music and nosh on pizza and ice cream at 2 p.m. at Oyster Creek Park, 4033 Hwy 6 South. For details, check out Glover's MySpace page, where, from the looks of it, it seems like Ashton is always around.

The Learning Company

"When the humans aren't around, I also work on foreign policy."

After yesterday's crappy dog story, it's nice to see some good news regarding Houston mutts.

People for Ethical Treatment of Animals — you know 'em as PETA — has announced their list of Top 10 Dog Parks in North America. And wouldn't ya know it, our own Millie Bush Dog Park is number two overall. Top honors went to Point Isabel Dog Park in Richmond, California.

PETA calls Millie Bush park (named for Barbara Bush's dog) a "truly presidential suite" of dog parks, and praise its walking trails, agility courses, dog showers, fire hydrants, sandboxes and dog-controlled fountains. Sez their materials:

"Everyone needs to be 'unleashed' occasionally, and that's particularly true for dogs. Adding a stop at the Millie Bush Dog Park to your travel plans will ensure fun for every member of the family."

Ha! You see what they did there? "Unleashed?" Those PETA folks.

Anyhoo, we're proud of our local pooch park and are pretty sure folks and their four-legged friends will flock to the west side hotspot.

Oh, and we're pretty sure this is highest approval rating a Bush has ever gotten for anything. Just sayin'. — Steven Devadanam

Houston Humane Society

Things just got worse for some unlucky dogs.

The Houston Humane Society's Courtney Frank just called us with a ruling on the pit bull case, and it ain't pretty.

Liberty County judge Phil Fitzgerald has ruled that all the dogs over sixth months old must be euthanized; all dogs under six months will be sold at auction. Frank says that there's no word as to where or when that will happen. She adds that any pups not sold at auction will be returned to the Houston Humane Society.

"When presented with the evidence, it was obvious to the judge that Weigner's widow didn't have the animals' -- or the community's -- best interest at heart," says Frank. "He made the decision that was best for the community, and wanted to give the pups a shot at a life that they deserve, which they certainly didn't get in the first place."

Timothy Harkness, chief veterinarian at the Humane Society, will be performing medical exams as soon as possible to determine which of the 320 dogs are older than six months. That's really not good news for the dogs, as Frank notes, "The bulk were adults." — Steven Devadanam

New Line Cinema

"Forget about the damn snakes! We got bees up in this bitch!"

As the countdown to the most hyped horror movie this summer begins, there's news that there may be a greater threat to airline passengers than Snakes on a Plane...

Bees.

Yesterday's WSJ reported that angry bees, attracted by the color yellow and by airline fuel (WFT?), have been hassling flight crews of late. Some of the insects have found their way into the engines and even the cockpits. Steven Schell, general manager of the Mercury Air Center-Burbank, remembers when bees attacked his plane, and firefighters were forced to hose the jet with insecticide foam:

"They were dropping straight to the ground, whole big chunks of them."

The pilots on the flight had to vacuum up three dozen bees that had entered the cockpit.

There's a Texas twist to this horror story. Last April, Gordon Guillory, a flight mechanic for Southwest Airlines, heard a buzzing noise coming from the tail of a Boeing 737-700 at Dallas airport Love Field:

"You couldn't really see them, but you knew there were tons of them in there because there were so many that would fly out. I've been working on airplanes for 15 years and I've never, ever seen anything like it."

(Cue horror movie violin shriek)

A beekeeper had to smoke out the bees. Guillory recalls having to explain to the keeper that banging on the tail repeatedly might, in fact, damage the tail and cause the jet to not fly so well.

Concerned about a local bee invasion, I called the intrepid Marlene McClinton, spokesperson for Houston's airport system:

McClinton: "Bees? What, you couldn't ask about Snakes on a Plane?"

HouStoned: "I'm getting to that, McClinton. But first, the bees. What about the bees?"

McClinton (sighing): "I have never heard of any issue — not even in passing — regarding bees, but I'll ask."

A few hours later, McClinton calls me back, noting that there are in fact bees at Houston airports. See!? Man, I wonder if Samuel L. Jackson has to deal with this kind of disbelief in the movie, too.

"The Houston Fire Department is called if it gets really bad," McClinton tells me. "Otherwise, there are people here who come in and clean out the bees. The largest airlines have people on staff or contract who handle the bees at both airports."

A-ha! So the bee thing is a serious issue?

"It's not a serious issue of passenger safety," she says. "But outside, yes, it is an issue we deal with regularly."

Bees, check. Now what about snakes on planes in Houston?

"As far as I know, we have no snakes on any planes."

Not yet, anyway...

Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuunnn! — Steven Devadanam

Houston Humane Society

The fight over the 320 pit bulls begins today.

There's an update to the unfortunate story of the 320 pit bulls that were recently confiscated in Liberty County.

The widow of Thomas Weigner Jr., the dogs' owner who died after being shot in a home invasion, came forth to claim ownership of the 320 pit bulls on Monday. Through her attorney, she was granted a 72-hour continuance, good through 10 a.m. today. Afterward, she was to post a $28,500 bond, the bulk of which would go to the Houston Humane Society to care for the dogs while she prepared her defense. Humane Society spokeswoman Courtney Frank says the money barely covers food and basic shelter and doesn't begin to handle medical or staff costs -- or even the cost of the initial seizure. "But it would be very helpful," she adds.

The 10 a.m. deadline has passed, and no money has been posted, and so trial is set for 1:30 p.m. today in Liberty County. Weigner Jr.'s widow could win ownership (which initially seems like a stretch, given the lovely care the dogs received in the past) or the judge could order that the animals be turned over to the Humane Society. Either way, "We're going to care for them until the judge tells us what to do with them," says Frank. — Steven Devadanam

Bill brakes for car chases.

We had a lot of fun with the July 21 police chase in Pasadena. And now it seems, according to the AP by way of KHOU, that actor Bill Murray did, too.

Murray can't contain himself as he watches the chase while conducting an interview about a recent appearance on American Chopper. Man, if only this had happened while he was here filming Rushmore. He might've stayed longer -- or at least have enjoyed himself.

Oh yeah, Murray mentions something about being in retirement. But the real news is that he loved the car chase. — Steven Devadanam

Craig Malisow

Who needs a warm blanket when you have a potentially explosive laptop?

I've been fielding myriad questions about my recent experience at a nudist camp, ranging from "Did you get really sunburned?" to "Could you please get away from me?" (That one has been coming mostly from my coworkers.)

Another question I've gotten is "You posed with a Dell laptop on the cover? Haven't you heard about the explosions?" Cleary, the answer is no, or I would've asked my boss for a Mac.

Anyhoo, here are some parting thoughts from my day of parting with my clothes:

The first rule of Nudist Club:
There is no Nudist Club
Well, there is, but it's easy to miss, even with its sign that says "Natural Horisun Nudist Camp" and little American flags. I must've passed the entrance to Natural Horisun three times. I had no idea what to expect as I drove down the dirt road towards the camp. Would there be a naked security guard wearing an unfortunately placed badge checking you in? Moreover, when I finally left the camp that evening, I felt as though reality had set back in the minute I turned off the dirt road and onto the highway. It seemed like a dream, like there was no way 70 naked people could be dancing to the Village People in that camp. It begged the question: If you take your clothes off in the woods, and no one sees you, are you really naked?

Nudists don't judge
Unless you're clothed, that is. Though they're born nude, most nudists aren't born nudists. They say that they understand the trepidation of dropping trou in front of others, that they remember their first time. Of course, they say all this while they're in fact, nude. The nudists didn't really warm up to me until I was nude, too, making me wonder how people who observe the "optional" in "clothing optional" nudist camps are treated.

Nothing breaks the ice like a little public nudity
I found the nudists I met to be terribly friendly. Most of them went into a pseudo-socio-anthropological spiel about how once clothes are off, the normal barriers that people put up are gone. No looks to see what brand your jeans are, or whether your shoes are in season. I left knowing more about these folks than I'd anticipated. They left knowing whether I'm an innie or an outie.

Nudists aren't hippies
Go figure: Based on my very un-scientific survey (I was naked, okay?), the majority of nudists I met were card-carrying Republicans (although I didn't ask where they were carrying their cards). Only a few, who would answer, said they were Democrats. Most balked at the notion of nudists as hippies. Memo to Karl Rove: You're really missing out on an untapped voter base. Could there be a nudist candidate in '08?

Survival skills are important
Once you strip down, your major physical concern is how much sunblock to slather on, and making sure you have a large enough towel (see the story for details). But what about the emotional/psychological aspects of going buff in front of strangers?

With no therapist around, I was forced to assimilate and find my own happy place. I smiled a lot. Also, I found that singing a tune in my head helped. Level 42's "Something About You" really helped me when confronted with naked children and large fat men.

And I recall one thought that ran through my head the entire time I spent with these happily nekkid folks: I wonder what they'd look like clothed? -- Steven Devadanam

He shoots, he, um, gets incarcerated.

Houston Rockets head coach Jeff Van Gundy stresses intelligence, good judgement and awareness on the court. It doesn't hurt if his players exhibit the same quality off the court either. Considering former Rockets forward Lonnie Baxter's tomfoolery, it seems a good thing that he was traded this year to the Charlotte Bobcats.

Yesterday, Baxter was arrested by Secret Service after shots were fired about two blocks from the White House. Baxter, 27, and Irvin Martin,35, were charged with carrying a pistol without a license and other firearms charges after spent casings were found in their white sports utility vehicle. Sorry, a gun in a white SUV? Talk about a sports cliche.

Baxter and Martin are currently being held in D.C. Die-hard Rockets fans may remember that Baxter signed with the team of September 8, 2005 and was later traded to the Charlotte Bobcats for Keith Bogans on February 9 of this year. (Bogans is no longer with the Rockets.) At the time, the swap was made strictly for need, but something tells us Coach VG wouldn't take to kindly to his players dabbling with domestic terrorism.

Baxter, who played college hoops at Maryland, isn't currently on the Bobcats' roster; it's speculated that he was going to sign in Italy. Given his current situation, his basketball options seem a bit limited. Here's hoping Bax looks good in a bright orange uniform. — Steven Devadanam

HISD

Abbott really is very charming on e-mail.

Well jeez, we thought it was just us...

There's a routine that we at the Press have to follow if we dare report on HISD. We're not to call the school district press office. Heavens no, we're to e-mail. That's it. Why? As one helpful staffer told me (via e-mail, natch) when I was working on a story recently:

"...we have received very unfair coverage from the Houston Press in the past and so have a practice of answering the Press' questions via email."

Okay, so we don't get the VIP, on-the-phone treatment. Surely the Chron does, right? Right?

Nay, according to the Chron's School Zone education blog. Seems that when Chron reporter Jennifer Radcliffe was working on her story about opening day glitches, she followed up with everyone's favorite education spokesperson, HISD's Terry Abbott. According to the blog, Abbott told Radcliffe that this was "the best opening day he can remember." Where does that happy news come from? The blog notes that Abbott's information comes from Bellaire High School principal Timothy Salem.

Or does it? One reader cries foul:

"I just talked to Mr. Salem at Bellaire and he was amazed to find out he had said that. Please use responsible journalism and confirm quotes before attributing them to someone."

Bad reporting? No, says School Zone, it's bad "spokesmanning." School Zone contacted Abbott:

"That's what I was told yesterday. I didn't talk to Tim directly, I was only told by another administrator who had checked with the school."

But surely a spokesman would get his info right? Sorta. Says Abbott:

"Let me just do this if I may: I just spoke with Tim to clarify. He said: "I said we were having a great day. I would not say it was the greatest opening I've ever had. But we were having a great day." So we mistated "great day" as "greatest day."

Whatev. School Zone wanted to get to the bottom of this, so they requested permission to speak with Salem and the ghost administrator. Sorry, says Abbott:

"Let me just leave it with that, if you don't mind, so I don't bother Mr. Salem any more. I pulled him out of the hallway just then to talk to him. It's so busy at such a big school on the second day I'd rather not pull him out again."

Those hallways do get awful crowded. We feel ya, Terry. Though we can't help but notice you're awfully polite to the Chron guys. When's the last time you asked us if we mind?

The kicker: Abbott's communique with the Chron was done via e-mail. Whoa! School Zone says that "The school district's media policy requires reporters to go through Press Secretary Terry Abbott's office for all comments. That office routinely denies our requests to speak directly to employees, leaving us to either quote Abbott or no one at all."

So we're not the only ones! Perhaps when the Chron and the Press learn how to properly attribute quotes — you know, the way HISD does — we'll be golden. -- Steven Devadanam

Stop that grinnin', camel. Normangee's on to you.

We know America can be a tense place, what with the looming threat of a terrorist attack and a war in Iraq. And it's clear that any symbol of the Middle East — dark men with beards, women in burqas, terrorists — is enough to send certain Texans reaching for their shotguns or 3030s.

But camels?

Yeah, camels.

Officials in Leon County are still investigating the shooting death of one of its residents, one A. Camel. The owner of the deceased camel, which lived on an exotic game ranch in Normangee, found the victim in a field with several buckshot wounds to the head last week.

Surprising? Heck, not in Normangee, potna. Sez sheriff Mike Price:

"When you live in a rural county like this, it's hard to keep exotic animals close to a well-traveled roadway. It's not uncommon for people to shoot at them from the road. It happens."

Well, around these parts, we'd call that a "Duh."

Before you PETA types get yer hemp panties in a wad, consider this. We know that the terrorists will stop at nothing to get us. They've tried to blow up our planes with travel shampoo, dammit. So let's call this what it is, a public service.

The proud 'merican who gunned down this obvious spy knew a foreigner when he/she saw one, and wasted no time dispatching this "animal." Who knows what sort of intel it was sending back to Osama, or whoever, from its hump?

We all know that Normangee ranks way up there on terror targets. But thanks to this brave patriot, them terrorists will have to get their reconnaissance the old-fashioned way. — Steven Devadanam

Courtesy of Bob's BBQ & Grill

They're gonna need a bigger to-go bag.

Think you're a tough guy cuz today you'll be lunching on a one-pound burger at Fuddruckers or Christian's Tailgate Grill & Bar? You might be big s*** here, but you're a wee baby in Thailand.

Last week (remember, news travels very slowly from Thailand) folks from Bob's BBQ & Grill (which is owned by Texan Bob Schindler) created the world's largest hamburger. To celebrate the King of Thailand's 60th anniversary of his accession to the throne, the burgermakers concocted a beast that weighed in at 78.5 pounds and measured 23.62 inches wide and 13.78 inches high. (Man, imagine what they'll do for his 75th anniversary.)

It was topped with two large heads of lettuce, 15 tomatoes, four large onions, 35 slices of cheese, one and a half cups of mustard, one cup of ketchup, four whole pickles and four whole jalape�os. (Please, Robb Walsh puts more than that on his hot dogs.)

The mammoth sandwich will soon be certified by the Guinness Book of World Records, and will be named as The World's Largest Commercially Available Hamburger. The "Big Bob's Texas Belt Buster" is on the regular menu and can be ordered (in Thailand) with just 12 hours' notice, and costs a mere $400. No word on the price of a combo meal.

Hear that? Twelve hours. Now if you'll excuse us, we've got a to-go order to phone in. -- Steven Devadanam

"Sing it with me, 'I love Hous...um...Texas!'"

August is turning out to be a busy month for H-town's own Hilary Duff. Later today, MTV will premiere her new video, "Play with Fire," on TRL. She'll be on Letterman tonight to pimp her new movie, Material Girls -- in which she stars with her sis Haylie — which opens August 18. (Her official site has a counter, right down to minutes and seconds, which ticks away until -- OMG! -- showtime.) Also this week, AOL will be showcasing her new fashion line, stuff by hilary duff (lower case intended, yo). A very busy month indeed.

H-Duf was on the Today show this morning (I can't help it — it's always on!) to promo all her goings-on. She told the eternally effervescent Ann Curry that she only got into showbiz to be like her big sis Haylie. Duff, no longer blond (who knew?), told Curry that her clothing line is based on (target demo: girlz ages seven to 14) "inspirational shopping trips" to Europe. She told Curry, who tried to go all hardball with questions about her weight, that she was happy and comfortable and that she knows that life in the spotlight "doesn't last" and that she's learning "what's important in life."

Yes, she mentioned a whole lot. Know what she didn't mention? Houston. As the full shot of Curry and Duff displayed fans with signs that said "I'M A TEXAS GIRL TOO!!" in the background, Duff could only muster "Texas" when mentioning her hometown. Aw, Hil, did I miss something? Where's da love?

I can remember meeting Duff in her house in Memorial when I was an intern and she was a starry-eyed 12-year-old hopeful. Channel 2's Roseann Rogers and I were interviewing her about auditioning for an NBC pilot (which never took, but Lizzie McGuire was right around the corner). Young Hilary told us that she was excited about auditioning, and if she made it, she'd never forget Houston. And now, this.

Who broke my heart? You did, Hil, you did. And after we've been so good to you, too. — Steven Devadanam