Courtesy of Playboy

Sorry, Amanda just wants to be MySpace friends...

The final hours of August are waning, and thus Playboy will have a new Cyber Girl.

That's newsworthy because this month's Cyber Girl is none other than Amanda Duncan, who hails from Conroe. According to Playboy.com, "the blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty first appeared as a Cyber Girl of the Week in April 2006. As the August Cyber Girl of the Month, Amanda appears in four enticing new pictorials, as well as, two behind-the-scenes videos and three exclusive video features." Amanda has also appeared in several Playboy Special Edition issues.

Potential suitors, listen up: Amanda currently attends beauty school and plans to own her own salon some day. (Wonder how many "Visible Changes in my pants" jokes she'll field from male clients.) But you're looking to hook up, you better axe her in person.

Surfing the site strictly for research (hear that, HouStoned IT Guy? Research. You know what you can do with your web report), I happened upon one of Amanda's "exclusive video features." In it, the blonde Amanda is asked a question of the week. This week's query:

Is picking up someone on MySpace cool or is it nerdy and weird?

Well, Amanda?

"It's weird and lame at the same time," she says, as it cuts from a close-up profile shot to full shot of her in pink bra, "because if you can't get a girl outside MySpace, you have no chance." She then manages a tense smile.

Dangit! And I was all set to ask her out, too. I mean, she seems so real...— Steven Devadanam

HouStoned Images, Ltd. Unlmtd.

Caulk and tape? Now that's savings!

Who says Reliant Energy isn't helpful? Oh, wait, lots of people, especially this guy. Sorry...

But hey, wait! As you may have heard, Reliant Energy has started offering "Energy Savings Kits" to customers who apply for electric bill assistance. These newfangled kits are also being sent to social services agencies in greater Houston.

I actually received a package from Reliant at the office the other day. Relieved to finally get one that wasn't ticking, I opened and found — ah! — an Energy Savings Kit. Were they looking for publicity, or had they just been reading up on journalism salaries?

No telling, but I had to dig in. It was like Christmas (or at very least, Groundhog Day)! The starter kit boasts a new "fluorescent light bulb that saves individuals a ton of money; approximately $40 is the average savings per bill," says the info. The kit also includes caulking paste, window tape (insulation) and tips for saving energy — in English and Spanish. Bilingual! And, the box is cardboard, so I can recycle it and save the earth. Let's see the tree huggers at Green Mountain Energy come up with that!

The kits are available to seniors, homeowners and renters. As someone who lives in a home and enjoys energy, I'm giddy. Now, when faced with a $762 a/c bill in February, I can simply open my kit, slap some window tape on my broken windows and caulk my...um, things that need caulking. And I'll sleep better (outside, because it's cooler) knowing that the sole light bulb in my home that I use to read — and cook — with is saving me two Jacksons a year.

So rejoice, energy suckers. Hope has arrived, and it's in a brown box marked "Reliant." It'll be right next to your disconnection notice for service that you didn't order for an address you haven't lived at for a year. — Steven Devadanam

Beer and Bob, anyone?

Most of you make your happy hour plans before lunch. But if you're scrambling for a place to make a drunken fool of yourself relax after work, you might try Pub Fiction (2303 Smith, 713-400-8400).

Yep, the Midtown watering hole is the site of the good ol' Houston Press Concert Series. This week, Austin crooner/handsome devil Bob Schneider takes the stage round 10 p.m. for a free concert. All you have to do is show up early, hang and work through your first two sets of pickup lines. Doors open at 5 p.m. The next show on September 27 features Mike Eli (Eli Young Band) and Deryl Dodd.

I'd totally go, but I don't think Schneider cares for me much, not after our last run-in. (Scroll down to Been There, Done That.)

I wish him well, tho. And I certainly admire his beard. The guy clearly is the exception to the clean shaven/more sex rule. — Steven Devadanam

"Today we're going to talk about creative deductions..."

You gotta wonder how many students at TSU are doing a double-take at their class schedules:

ACCOUNTING — INSTRUCTOR: SLADE

Yeah, Priscilla Slade. The same P. Slade who, with three of her aides, was ousted for (allegedly) spending school money on personal expenses, is teaching accounting classes at the university.

Seems Slade has tenure, and a little bad PR hasn't deterred her from returning to the classroom. She told the media that she's enjoying her return to teaching. We can only imagine the syllabus: "How to Make a $340,000 per Year Salary Work for You." Who wouldn't sign up for that?

Maybe number cruncher Andy Fastow could be inspired to teach a hybrid accounting/music class, too. And why stop there? How about having Jordy Tollett head up a time management course?

Anyhoo, we can't wait to see what our favorite s***-talkers at Call of Da Wild have to say about this one. — Steven Devadanam

Big-hearted Hil is helping out in N.O.

Today's TV coverage of the one-year anniversary of Katrina ranged from gushing (GMA's Robin Roberts waxing poetic about her hometown) to downright refreshing (the "glib" Matt Lauer tearing ex-FEMA head Mike Brown a new one for his Katrina fumbling on Today.) Brown actually admitted that at times, he wishes he never took the job. Ya think?)

However, it's a little surprising to not get a celeb bulleting about H-town's Hilary Duff and her visit to New Orleans. Duff is in Nawlins today to "provide inspirational words, food and comfort to the many victims of the storm," according to her peeps. I called her people in L.A., who say they haven't heard how things have gone for Hil. She was to make morning announcements, pass out water and hang out with the kids at Nelson Charter School. Also on her itinerary was a trip to Edna Karr High School, where she was invited to speak about positive role models on a "positive behavior day" the school has planned. She was also going to sign autographs. We're waiting to hear back from Hil's folks, who should give us an update (unless they've Googled our coverage of her).

And it's impossible to talk Katrina and media today without mentioning Spike Lee's HBO documentary When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts . (The four-parter airs in its entirety tonight.) It's been interesting to watch the chatter in the blogosphere about Requiem, most interesting that people seem to be surprised that Lee chose to focus on race. Isn't that like being surprised at Quentin Tarantino focusing on Hong-Kong-cinema-styled gunplay in one of his flicks? What else would Lee focus on?

The best reading comes from Lone Star Times, where one poster recently called "Carpetbagger" Lee's movie a "blackumentary." Clever! Also:

We're supposed to ignore the crazed, conspiracist crap because Spike Lee films some touching, heartfelt scenes? Cry me a river. It's like saying we should ignore the terrible plot of Van Helsing because it had some pretty cool special effects. It's impossible to ignore Lee's tendency to engage in race-baiting, and believing that doesn't make me an enemy of New Orleans.

Spike Lee made a horrible, biased documentary. That's the story here. Let's leave it at that.

Okay, you just crossed the line, pal. Van Helsing was a damn fine flick. -- Steven Devadanam

Gibson.com

So, Houston ladies, you're saying this ain't sexy?

H-town has been making all kindsa' lists lately. And now it seems that damn, we're smoove.

Proving that in America, anyone can start an organization about anything, we have word from the National Organization of Social Crusaders Repulsed by Unshaven Faces — NoScruf, see what they did there? — that H-town is smoothest town in the U.S.A. (What, they couldn't make an "Unshaved States of America" riff, too?). You're not going to believe this, but the NoScruf group claims to be "supported by" Gillette.

According to what is clearly a very scientific survey conducted earlier this year, the typical Houston dude shaves an average of 4.81 times a week, more frequently than guys in any other city surveyed. The report also drops this whopper:

"In addition, Houston guys were the happiest with the amount of sex that they are currently experiencing. Could there be a connection between being clean-shaven and sexually satisfied?"

Gee, could there be? Could this guy be getting laid more often than this guy? Shocking!

So how smooth is the rest of the nation? The results:

SMOOTHEST
1. Houston - 4.81 times/week
2. Indianapolis - 4.68 times/week
3. Fort Worth - 4.65 times/week
4. St. Paul - 4.64 times/week
5. Portland - 4.52 times/week

SCRUFFIEST
1. Baltimore - 3.65 times/week
2. St. Louis - 3.95 times/week
3. Seattle/Tacoma - 4.02 times/week
4. New York - 4.04 times/week
5. Washington, D.C. - 4.12 times/week

The NoScruf report offers up some "By the Numbers" items, too. Consider:

Funny, we thought she was the longest beard ever. Whatev.

So there you have it. Congrats, H-town dudes, on your excellent grooming and, apparently, your excellent sex life. As a bearded man, I can actually boast more action since growing my facial hair.

Of course, I have a very specific fan base. — Steven Devadanam

Miss us yesterday? We missed you. We're back, and playing catch up today. Thanks to IT Guy for resurrecting our state-of-the-art technology.

The Management

Ah, lovely technical difficulties...

Thanks to those of you who've offered up your "WTF?" e-mails. It's not that we're slacking, it's just that there's a snag in our state-of-the-art technology. We'll be back in full force soon, sez our intrepid IT guy...

Thank you,

The Management

How about "Keep Houston Screwed"?

So by now everybody knows about the state capital city's "Keep Austin Weird" T-shirt, bumper sticker and Internet campaign, wherein our neighbors maintain that Austin is still as strange as they seem to think it is.

What you might not know is that all the other cities in Texas have similar drives. Dallas and its hyperabundance of 30k millionaires is home to the "Keep Dallas Pretentious" crusade, while laid-back, resolutely unstylish San Antonio marches under the "Keep San Antonio Lame" banner.

So far, our fair city has trailed the pack. Yeah, we have the "Houston. It's Worth It" deal, but times like these demand we keep up with the pace. So what should we "keep" Houston?

Here's a couple of ideas:

You get the picture. Beat one of those and I'll send you a free CD of H-Town music from my personal collection. — John Nova Lomax

Why wouldn't you name a park after this guy?

With his usual style, aplomb and right-on-the-moneyness, mysterious local blogger Slampo — the Mike Royko of the local blogosphere -- has taken up yet another pressing issue: The City Hall-sponsored contest to name a new downtown park.

"We're sure the winning entry will reflect the cosmopolitan character of the city," he writes, "say, something urbane and sophisticated like World Class Centre." Or something else equally highfalutin' and developer-friendly like The Glades at Old Chinatown, we might add. (The park will be situated near the George R. Brown Convention Center.)

Slampo has a better idea — name the sucker after Lightnin' Hopkins. After all, as Slampo notes:

"A park is for relaxation and recreation, two of the enduring themes of Hopkins' prodigious recording career, whether he was singing about throwing dice or watching the ponies run or getting drunk last night and the night before or traveling to Louisiana to acquire a mojo hand that would mess up a woman's mind."

Not to mention the fact that he engaged in a few of those activities mere blocks away from this park's site on Dowling Street, that once-hopping, now-moribund ghettodelic strip he once called "a nice place to get an education." Just as this park would be a nice place for our city's residents to get an education about Lightnin'.

Once that's done, we'll start agitating for a South Side park named for DJ Screw, but first things first. — John Nova Lomax